Will You Love Me in September

He had a large estate, which demanded a great deal of attention, but he had several people who did the necessary work under a most efficient manager. That suited Lance, who, I discovered, did not care to do one thing for too long a time. He could be enthusiastic about the estate for a few days, and then, when some weeks had passed, it began to pall.

The house was frequently full of guests from the neighborhood; they came to dine and, I discovered, play games of chance.

I was dismayed one night after dinner when I, with the ladies, had left the table and we had chatted together, to rejoin the men and find them preparing to sit down and play with the cards.

I saw the excitement in Lance's eyes and I realized then that when the gambling fever was upon him he was like a different man. Before, I had always been aware of his tender attention at gatherings like this. He always looked after me, which was what I had wanted when I was first introduced to his friends. He would give me a detailed description of the people we were meeting and always amusing-telling me their likes and dislikes, warning me of their foibles, making it easy for me to be a success in society. I had always been aware of that special care and had been grateful for it. Now I realized that he had forgotten me. I saw that gleam in his eyes which I was to see many times in the years ahead.

The play began. Those who did not join in were left to amuse themselves. Quite a number of the women did join, and I noticed that they appeared to play with the same feverish intensity as the men.

When all those who did not wish to play had left, I retired to my bedroom. Lance went on playing with those who had gone to the tables. I lay in bed waiting for him to come up. It was past three o'clock when he did.

He came to the bed and looked down at me.

"Still awake?" he asked. "You should be fast asleep by now.”

"So should you," I said.

He bent over and kissed me. "A good night's play," he said. "I won two hundred pounds.”

"You might have lost it," I said, aghast.

"What a dismal outlook! I win two hundred and you talk of losses. Never mind. I'll buy you a new dress when we get back to London.”

"I have enough new dresses.”

"Oh, come, a woman can always do with another. You sound a little piqued, sweetheart.

Is it because I left you alone so long?”

I said, "I wish you didn't love gambling so much.”

"Sweet of you," he said lightly, "to care so much for what I do.”

"One day-" I began.

"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof," he quoted. "That's a good motto. It's one of mine. You should make it one of yours, Clarissa. There. I'm back now. I'll be with you in a moment.”

I lay uneasy until he came. He slipped into bed beside me and took me into his arms.

"Let me kiss away the frowns," he said. "Remember, I'm the one you love ... full of imperfections ... but you love me all the same.”

He made such ardent love to me that I forgot I had been left alone. In my heart I knew it was something I must accept, but just then I preferred to forget.

The Bubble

Christmas came and Lance and I went to Enderby. Jeanne came with us, of course, and it was wonderful to be in the heart of the family again.

Damaris was delighted to see us, and I was touched by the earnest way in which she studied me to assure herself, I knew, that my marriage was happy. Jeremy was with her when she greeted us, and although his welcome was more restrained than hers, I knew it was sincere. Sabrina ran headlong at me and embraced my knees.

"You've come home," she cried. "Clarissa has come home. Are you going to stay now?

I want to show you my new pony. He's called Gypsy because Grandpapa Leigh bought him from the Gypsies. He can gallop miles and miles and never gets tired like other ponies. Come and see him.”

"Not now, darling," said Damaris. "There's plenty of time.”

"Oh, now ... please.”

"Let me wash and change first, Sabrina," I said.

The same Sabrina, whose own affairs were of such immediacy that she could not conceive that anything else could be of the same importance.

She ran up to our room with us. It was that one where we had slept on the first night of our marriage, the room which had such memories for Damaris-as, having read her story, I now understood. Dear Damaris. I was closer to her than ever, now that I knew how she had suffered and how she had at last come to happiness through Jeremy and myself. It made a special bond between us. I knew I should never forget what we had meant to each other, and although now I had moved out of her care and had a life of my own, the bond was still strong.

"Can I stay with you here, Clarissa?" asked Sabrina. "It's a nicer room than mine.”

She laid her cheek lovingly against the damask bed curtains and looked pleadingly at me.

Lance said, "You can't sleep with Clarissa now. I'm here.”

"Why not?”

"Because it is my place.”

"You can have my bed.”

"So kind of you," said Lance, "but do you know, I prefer I this.”