Will You Love Me in September

Ah ... two of a kind. Your parents, dear Clarissa, were unusual people. They were rare people. How fortunate you are to nave had such parents. I wonder if you will grow up like them. If you do, you will have to take care. You must curb your recklessfully must think before you act- * always did, and look what . has brought me-this lovely house, a good man, the dearest son the world. What a lovely way to spend one's old age! But I wasn’t born to it, Clarissa. I worked for it ... I worked every ev°h of the way. It's the best in the end. Dearest child, you have very chance of a good life. You have lost your parents but you have a family to love you. And now you know the truth about yourself, you must be happy. I was. Be bold but not reckless. Take adventure when it comes but be sure that you never act rashly. I know. I have lived a long time and proved how to be happy. That's the best thing in the world, Clarissa. Happiness.”

I used to sit with her and listen to her talking, which was fascinating. She told me a great deal about the past and her stage life and how she had first met my great-grandmother Arabella in the days just before the Restoration of Charles the Second. She could talk so vividly-acting as she went along-and told me more about my family during that brief visit than I had ever heard before.

She was right. It was good for me to know. I think in a way it was a beginning of the slackening of my need for security. When I heard what had happened to members of my mother's family there was nothing much Harriet could tell me of my father-that craving for security began to leave me.

I was already feeling out for independence. But, of course, I was only eight years old at this time.

One day Harriet called to me. There was a letter in her hand.

"A message from your grandmother," she said. "She wants you back at Enderby. Damaris is recovering and missing you. Your little visit is at an end. We cannot ignore this, much as we should like to. It has made me very happy to have you here, my dear, and Benjie has been delighted. He will be sad when you go, but as your grandmother-and also your great-grandmother-has reminded me on several occasions, it was Damaris who brought you from France and Damaris who has first claims. How does it feel, Clarissa, to be in such demand? Never mind. Don't tell me. I know. And you hate to leave us, but you want to see your dear Damaris ... and what is most important, Damaris wants you.”

So the visit was over. I did want to see Damaris of course, but I was loath to leave Harriet, Gregory and Benjie. I loved the Abbas too, and I was sadly thinking that there would be no more trips to the island which I could see from my bedroom window.

I was torn between Enderby and Ayot Abbas. Once again I was conscious of that surfeit of affection.

Harriet said, "Gregory, Benjie and I will take you back. We'll take the coach. It will give us a little more time together.”

The thought of a journey in Gregory's coach delighted me. It such a splendid vehicle. It had four wheels and a door on r side. Our baggage was carried in saddlebags on horses, as , re Was no room for it in the coach. Two grooms would accompany us one to drive the horses and the other to ride behind; they Ph nged places every now and then to share the driving. ° it was a leisurely journey and very enjoyable, with stops at the ? ns on the way. It stirred vague memories in me. I had ridden in this coach before.

That was when I was very young. It was the first time I had seen Hessenfield. He had played at being a highwayman and stopped the coach. As I sat looking out of the window while we jogged along, pictures flashed in and out of my mind: Hessenfield in a mask, stopping the coach, ordering us to get out, kissing my mother and then kissing me. I had not been afraid. I sensed that my mother was not either. I had given the highwayman the tail of my sugar mouse. Then he had ridden off, and it was not until he carried me away from Ayot Abbas and out to the ship that I saw him again.

I felt drowsy in the coach. Harriet and Gregory were dozing too. Next to Gregory sat Benjie. Every now and then he would catch my eye and smile. He looked very sad, which was because I was going. I thought then, if you were Hessenfield, you would not let me go. He carried me away to a big ship... .

I did compare everyone with Hessenfield. He had been taller in stature than anyone else. He had towered above everyone in every way. I was sure that if he had lived he would have put King James on the throne.

We were traveling slowly because the roads were dangerous. There had been heavy rain recently and every now and then we would splash through the puddles of water. I thought it was amusing to see the water splashing out and I laughed.

"Not so pleasant for poor old Merry," said Benjie. Merry was driving at that moment.