Wings

“Yeah? How come,” he grinned, obviously elated to see her, “you meet your hairdresser up there?” His eyes danced, and his heart was pounding as he looked at her. His feelings for her were beginning to worry him. Maybe it was just as well she was living in California. Lately, it was getting harder and harder to control what he felt about her.

“Very funny.”

“I hear the Movietone guys will be here at three”— he grinned at Billy and two of the other men—” better get clean clothes on.”

“That'll be a nice change for you, Stick,” she shot back at him, and he leaned against the plane she'd been working on with Billy, and gave her an appraising look. She looked better than ever.

“Did you bring your chaperone with you?” he teased.

“I figured I could handle you myself.”

“Yeah,” he nodded slowly, “you probably could. Want to go have something to eat?” He invited her in an undertone, which was unusual. It was rare for him to take her anywhere. Usually, they just hung out together at the airport.

“Sure.” She followed him to his truck, and he drove her to Paoli's dairy. They had a lunchroom in the rear, and they made good sandwiches and homemade ice cream.

“Hope this'll do. It's not exactly the Brown Derby.”

“I'll manage.” She was just so happy being with him, she'd have gone anywhere and loved it.

He ordered roast beef sandwiches for them both, and a chocolate milk shake for her. All he wanted to drink was black coffee.

“It's not my birthday, you know,” she reminded him. She was still impressed that he had taken her out to lunch. She couldn't even remember the last time he'd done that. If ever.

“I figure you're so spoiled now, eating beef jerky in the back hangar wouldn't do it.” He shrugged, but he looked desperately happy to see her. They were halfway through lunch, and she noticed he wasn't eating much, when she realized there was more to it than just taking her out to eat. He looked uncomfortable suddenly and a little worried.

“What's up, Stick? You rob a bank?”

“Not yet. But I'm working on it.” But the jokes ended there. He looked into her eyes and the moment she looked at him, she knew. And she said the words even before he did.

“You're going?” The words caught in her throat, and her milk shake soured instantly in her stomach when he nodded. “Oh, Nick… no… but you don't have to. We're not in it.”

“We will be eventually, whatever they say. And I'll bet Williams knows it too. He's probably counting on it. He'll sell a lot of airplanes. I don't believe all this stuff about the U.S. staying out of it. And it doesn't matter if we do. They need help over there. I'm going to England to join the RAF. I made some inquiries, and they need all the guys they can get. I've got what they need, and no one really needs me here. They don't need a genius to fly mail runs to Cincinnati.”

“But they don't need you to get shot down in a war that's not yours.” Tears filled her eyes as she said it “Does Dad know?”

He nodded. He hated telling her. But he had wanted to tell her himself. He had told Pat that the minute he knew she was home, and Pat had agreed to let him tell her. “I told him yesterday. He said he knew anyway.” And then he looked at her strangely. “I'll be back, Cass. I've got a lot of years left to do this kind of thing. And who knows? Maybe I'll grow up this time. There's a lot of things I never did with my life after the last one.”

“You can do them here, you don't have to risk your life in order to change what you don't like in your life here.”

“I don't like how lazy I've been, how easy I've made it on myself. I just cruised for the last twenty years, because it was easy. It went by so fast I forgot where I was. Now I'm here, I'm halfway through, or thereabouts, and I've wasted a lot of time. I'm not going to do that next time.” She wasn't sure what he meant, but it was obvious he had regrets about things he hadn't done, relationships he hadn't bothered with. He always thought he had time. And he did. But in some ways he had lacked courage. He had never wanted to get married again, or to care too much about anyone, or get too involved, or have kids of his own. He never wanted to risk anything on the ground. He didn't want to lose. But he didn't mind dying. It was an odd kind of cowardice peculiar to most of them; they were brave in the air, but on land they were terrible cowards.

“Don't go…” she whispered over the remains of their lunch. She didn't know what to say to stop him, but she wanted to more than anything. She didn't want to lose him.

“I have to.”

“No, you don't!” She raised her voice at him, and people turned around at other tables. “You don't have to do anything!”

“Neither did you,” he suddenly raged back, “but you've made choices with your life. I have a right to that too. I'm not going to sit here while they fight a war without me.” They took their battle outside and shouted at each other in the September sunshine.