Wings

“Are you so important then? You're the only flier who can do it right for them? For God's sake, Nick, grow up. Stay here… don't get yourself killed in a fight that's not yours, or even ours… Nick… please…” She was crying, and before he knew it, he was holding her and telling her how much he loved her. He had promised himself he never would, and now he couldn't stop himself any longer.

“Baby, don't… please… I love you so much… but I've got to do this… and when I come back, things'll be different. Maybe you'll be through playing Skygirl for Desmond Williams by then, and I'll have learned something I never figured out the first time. I want so much more than I have now… And, Cassie, I never figured out how to get it.”

“All you have to do is reach out and take it… that's all…” She was clinging to him, and he was holding her, and all she wanted suddenly was to go away somewhere with him and forget the war, but there was nowhere to run now.

“It's not as simple as all that,” he said slowly, looking down at her. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he didn't dare. And maybe he never would. He just didn't have the answers.

They walked back to his truck hand in hand, and when they got to the airport he drove to the hangar where they kept the Jenny. It was the plane he had taught her in, and she knew without a word where they were going. She got into the front seat, out of deference to him, since the instructor always sat in the rear seat, and a few minutes later they had done all their checks, and were taxiing down the runway. Her father saw them take off and he didn't say anything. He knew Nick must have told her he was going.

They reached the old airstrip, and Nick let her land, and they sat beneath their familiar tree. She laid her head against him, and they sat in the soft grass, looking up at the sky. It was hard to believe that there was a war somewhere, and Nick was really going.

“Why?” she said miserably after a while, the tears rolling slowly down her cheeks, and then her eyes met his and he thought his heart would break as he touched her face, and gently wiped her tears away with his fingers. “Why do you have to go?” After all this time, he had told her he loved her, and now he was leaving, maybe even forever.

“Because I believe in what I'm doing. I believe in free men, and honor, and a safe world, and all those things I'm going to defend in the skies over England.”

“You did that once. Let someone else do it this time, Nick. It's not your problem.”

“Yes, it is. And I've got nothing important to do here. Even though that's my own fault.”

“So you're going because you're bored.” There was always a little bit of that in all men, that and the spirit of the hunter. But there were good motives there too, and she knew that. She just thought it was foolish of him to go now, and she didn't want him to get hurt. But he swore he wouldn't.

“I'm too good to get hurt,” he said, teasing her.

“You fly like shit when you're tired,” she said, not entirely believing it, but he laughed.

“I'll be sure to get lots of sleep. What about you?” he said, frowning. “You're flying those damn heavy planes over the desert, don't think I don't know the chances you take testing them. Plenty of guys have gotten killed doing it, and they probably flew better than you do.” It reminded her of Nancy's husband when he said it and she nodded. She couldn't deny the dangers of her job, but she was good at what she did, and there were no Germans shooting at her over Las Vegas.

“I'm careful.”

“We all are. Sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes you just have to be lucky.”

“Be lucky… please…” she whispered to him, and he looked at her for a long time, and then without a word, he did what he had wanted to for so long, and never dared. What he had never let himself do, and thought he never would. But now he knew he had to. He couldn't leave without letting her know how much he loved her. He leaned down ever so gently, and kissed her. And she kissed him back as she had kissed no man before him. There had been no man… only a boy… and now, Nick, the man she had loved since she was old enough to remember.

“I love you,” he whispered into her hair, breathlessly, wishing there could be more, but he knew there couldn't. “I always have… I always will… I want to give you so much, Cass… but I have nothing to give you…”

“How can you say that?” He broke her heart with his words. “I've been in love with you since I was five… I've always loved you. That's all we need. I don't want anything else.”

“You should have lots more than that… you should have a house and kids… you should have a lot of things, like all the things they've given you in California. But they should come from your husband.”

“My parents never had fancy things, but they didn't care. They had each other, and they built my father's business from a pile of dirt. I don't care if we start with nothing.”

“I couldn't let you do that, Cass. And your father would kill me. I'm eighteen years older than you are.”