Witch from the Sea

There I waited and I went over in my mind everything I had read in my mother’s papers. I promised myself that if I lived through this I would write my own experiences and add them to hers, that I might as she said look at myself with complete clarity, for that is important. One must see oneself, one must be true to oneself, for it is only then that one can be faithful to others.

And as I waited there in the gloom of my bedchamber, I heard the clock in the courtyard strike midnight.

Now my lids were becoming heavy; part of me wanted to sleep, but the tension within me saved me from that. I was firmly of the belief that if I slept I would never wake up. I would never know who it was who had killed my mother.

I must be ready.

And then it came … It must have been a half-hour past midnight, the steps in the corridor which paused outside my door. The slow lifting of the latch.

Oh God, I thought, it has come. And a fervent prayer escaped me. Not my father, I implored.

The door was opening. Someone was in the room—a shadowy figure, coming closer and closer to the bed.

I cried: “Senara!”

“Yes,” she said, “it is. I couldn’t sleep. I had to come to talk to you.”

She looked round. “Where’s my pallet?”

“It’s been taken away. I think it’s behind the ruelle.”

I was shaking. It must have been with relief.

She went to the wooden chair and pulled it close to the bed.

“I had to talk to you, Tamsyn. It’s easier to talk in the dark.”

“A fine time to come,” I said, returning to normal. And I thought: There will be two of us if the murderer comes.

“Yes,” she said. “It was easier when I slept here, wasn’t it? I’d just wake you and make you talk. Now I have to come to you.”

“Why did you go?”

“You know.”

“Dickon,” I said. “So he comes to visit you.”

“You’re shocked.”

“I’m finding out quite a lot that’s shocking.”

“You mean in the papers …”

I said, “I mean about you.”

“I can’t explain my feelings for Dickon,” she said. “He’s not much more than a servant, is he?”

“Put that down to ill luck. He has some education, as much as you have. He sings beautifully and dances too.”

“He doesn’t now. He’s a puritan.”

“Yet he visits you at night?”

“He’s trying to be a puritan. He wants me to marry him.”

“That’s impossible.”

“They want me for Lord Cartonel.”

“He may not want you after the Dickon adventure.”

She laughed. “Dickon is going away. They’re sailing in a week. Fancy! I shall see him no more. I can’t bear it, Tamsyn.”

“You’ll have to.”

“Not if I went with him.”

“Senara, you’re mad. You’d have to be a puritan.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“As if you ever could!”

“I could try … as Dickon tries. I’d have my lapses … but I suspect they all do.”

“I should put such nonsense out of your mind.”

“I want to be good, Tamsyn.”

“I suppose most people do, but they want other things more.”

“I have to confess to you, Tamsyn. It’s about Fenn Landor.”

“What?” I cried.

“I couldn’t bear that you should marry and go away. It was all so right for you, wasn’t it? He was approved of by the family. And he was so good and noble and you were to live not so far from here and dear Grandmother, and he would be such a good husband. It wasn’t fair.”

“What are you trying to tell me, Senara?”

“You’re such a fool, Tamsyn. Always believing the best of everyone. You just don’t know what life’s about. You’re the eternal mother and we’re all your children. We’re a wicked lot and you think the best of us. Fenn Landor is another like you. You go through life blindly innocent of the world. Look at this place. Look what goes on here.”

“You know,” I said.

“Of course I know. I’ve spied out things. I’ve seen what goes into Ysella’s Tower. I’ve seen the men go out with their donkeys when the lights are out in the tower. I know they lure ships on to the Devil’s Teeth and they don’t save the survivors. I’m going to make a guess. You’ve found those papers and your mother knew about this and she’s written about it and you know now. And you don’t know what to do. That’s it, is it not?”

I was silent. She’s right, I thought, I’m an innocent. I don’t see what is happening about me. I do believe in the goodness of everybody. But not any more. I know someone in this house is going to murder me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said.