X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)

Di mortui sunt

Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder

Cervesia pota, pulchritudo cernitur

Yankee, go home-and take me with you

Americani, redite domum-ducentes me vobiscum

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Si quidem animalia nobis edenda non sunt, quare constant ex carne?

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can’t

Sunt genera tria hominum: illi qui numerare possunt, et illi qui non possunt

It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you

Res tam malae sunt quam putas, et inimici re vera te persequuntur

Why don’t psychics ever win the lottery?

In sortitionibus donativis, cur numquam praemia consequuntur sortilegi?

Aunt Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog-Dorothy

Amita Aemilia: Te Kansiamque odi, Canem mecum abduco-Dorothea

If walking is so good for you, why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?

Si quidem pedibus ire tam salubre corpori est, cur similis est noster tabellarius forma illi Iabbae Hutico?

Kill Barney

Interfice Arcturulum, istum mimum personatum portentosum purpureum palaeozoicum

Road Rage-IRA IN VIA

Where did you learn to drive-fleeing from Huns?

Ubi didicisti gubernare currum? In fuga ab Hunnis?

That’s it, numbnuts. Pull out in front of me, then slow down when you get to the light.

Euge, enervate eunuche! Ingredere in orbitam meam prae me, tum reprime cursum cum biviali lucernae approprinquas.

Now speed up when I try to pass you, and as I go by, give me the finger.

Nunc, accelera cum conor te praeterire, mihique praetereunti ostende digitum impudicum.

Okay, tailgater-time for a brake check

Em, ichneumon-tempus est sufflamina temptare

Big car, little dick

Currus magnus, mentula minuscula

You know what S.U.V.s and hemorrhoids have in common? Every asshole has one.

Scisne quid commune superlativa urbana vehicula cum haemorrhoidis habeant? Est unum ex his utrisque malis cuique pathico.

* That’s it, numbnuts! Pull out in front of me, then slow down when you get to the light!

** Where did you learn to drive? Fleeing from Huns?

Lady, if you’re going to sit there all day yakking on your cell phone, why don’t you stick a steering wheel on your living room wall and just stay home?

Muliercula, si vis ibi sedens garrire totum diem in Nokiam tuam, quidni rotam adfigens gubernalem ad murum conclavis domi maneas?

What are you saving those pretty little turn signals for-Christmas?

Quod ad tempus reservas ista lumina pulchella praemonitoria-ad Saturnalia?

No, Mr. Busybody, I am not handicapped, but you will be if you don’t move your nosy butt out of that parking place, pronto

Minime, ardelio, nullo modo debilis sum, sed fies tu quidem, si clunes tuas curiosas non removeris protinam ab illa statione

Don’t boot my car!

Noli caligam in rotam currus mei adfigere!

I am too allowed in the car pool lane! See, I’m not alone. I suffer from multiple personality disorder.

Certe mihi licet vehi in orbita seposita curribus repletis. Ecce, non solus sum. Legio mihi nomen est, quia multi sumus.

There are three of us here. I want to drive! No, it’s my turn! No fair, what about me? Me me me!

Adsunt tres. Volo gubernare! Immo, ordo memet vocat! Iniquum est! Quid de me? Me me me!

Does that Breathalyzer have a Latin setting?

Potestne illa machina pneumatodocimastica ad linguam Latinam accommodari?

I have Vatican diplomatic immunity. If you give me a ticket, you’re going to end up cooling your heels in The Hague in a jail cell full of Yugoslavian war criminals.

Sedes Romana Sacra mihi diplomaticam immunitatem tribuit. Si me vocaveris in ius, aetatem tuam deges Hagae Comitis, conditus in carcerem refertum Iugoslavorum condemnatorum de bellum contra ius gentium gerendo.

Air Rage-IRA IN AËRE

Do you have nail-clipper-sniffing dogs?

Habetisne canes quae forficulas unguales olfacere possunt?

I think that guy with a napkin on his noggin has a catapult in his shoe

Credo illum mantelium in capite gerentem occultavisse catapultam in caliga

Hey, pal, is that carry-on luggage or did you just sack Carthage?

Heia, amice, utrum illae sunt sarcinae tuae, an modo Carthaginem despoliasti?

Say, miss, didn’t you used to work for Con Air?

Dic mihi, domnicella, nonne te conducebat aëria classis quae condemnatos transportabat?

You know, even galley slaves were served meals

Nempe cibus dabatur etiam servis navalibus

If there’s an accident, I’m going to charge people to use this exit

Si de caelo cadere incipiamus, vectores pretium pro usu huius exitus poscam

Warning Labels-SCHEDAE MONITORIAE

Your nose may fall off

Fieri potest ut nasus tuus decidat

You may develop hot-dog fingers

Fieri potest ut digiti tui formam tomaculorum sumant

Your head may explode

Fieri potest ut caput tuum displodatur

Your brain may turn to mush

Fieri potest ut cerebrum tuum liquefiat

You may start babbling in Latin

Fieri potest ut Latine blaterare incipias