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“See?” asked Odelia, scratching Milo behind his ears. “Max isn’t so bad. And I’m sure you guys will be best friends from now on.”

“Don’t count on it,” Grandma muttered.

“What?” asked Odelia, confused.

“Nothing,” said Grandma. “I didn’t say nothing.”

I entered Marge and Tex’s house through the kitchen and immediately went in search of my former friends. Milo was at Odelia’s, who was giving him some of my favorite food, and I hoped he’d stay there. So far he’d limited his domain to Odelia’s, but I had a feeling he might expand his reach as soon as he felt he’d conquered my human’s place.

I traipsed through the kitchen, and was surprised to find Marge home alone, Tex nowhere in sight. She smiled down at me.“Dooley is in the family room, Max.”

“Thanks,” I told her. I walked through to the family room, where Dooley was watching on as Kit Katt instructed Koh to infiltrate a mobster’s lair and talk to a pair of mice.

“Mice!” Koh growled. A black cat with distinct green eyes, Koh always growled for some reason. Possibly because it made him look more butch. “I hate mice.”

“Please talk to them, Koh. You’re the only one who can,” implored Kit, an auburn-haired beauty played by the popular up-and-comer Virginia Salt. “Only you can save that little girl now. I know she’s in there somewhere, and those mice might lead you to her.”

“All right,” Koh snarled. When he wasn’t growling, he was snarling. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you, Koh,” said Kit. “You’re the best.”

“No, you’re the best.”

“No, you’re the best.”

Figuring this lovefest might go on for a while, I walked up to the couch and hopped on next to Dooley. He didn’t even look up.

“Hey, Dooley,” I said.

“Don’t bother, Max,” he growled—probably got that from Koh. “I know what you really think about me so just go away.”

“What did Milo tell you? That I hate you and that I think you’re ugly and dumb and blah-blah-blah?”

His frown deepened and his whiskers twitched, indicative of a powerful emotion.

“He said you knew I was dying and you didn’t even bother to tell me because you figured I just couldn’t handle the truth. But you don’t care about me andthat’s the truth.”

“Wanna know what he said about you?”

He continued morosely.“What?”

“He said you tell everyone who will listen that I’m possessive and obsessive about Odelia and want to keep her for myself. You also tell them I’m deeply, madly in love with Harriet.”

Dooley looked up for the first time.“What? I never said that.”

“That’s what Milo told me you said. He’s been lying, Dooley. Setting us up against each other. And do you know what he told Odelia just now? That we hate sleuthing and that the only reason we go along with it is because of the special treats she gives us when we come up with a clue.”

“Well, there is some truth to that,” he admitted. “I like those super-special treats.”

“But that’s not the reason we do this! He also told her I tortured him today—made his life a living hell—even denied him food and water and told him to jump under a UPS truck. And then he said we all hate each other and Odelia should just do herself a favor and dump us all at the pound.”

Now I really had Dooley’s attention. “The pound!”

“Yup. That’s been his plan all along. He wants us out of here so he can take over.”

“But he has a human. This Aloisia person.”

“Maybe she doesn’t treat him as well as Odelia does? I don’t know. Fact of the matter is that he’s been setting us up with a bunch of nonsense.”

“What nonsense?” asked a voice from my rear. When I turned I saw that Harriet and Brutus had snuck up on us and had jumped onto the couch, too.

“It’s Milo,” said Dooley. “He told Odelia how much we all hate each other and how she should drop us off at the pound.”

“Milo also told me that you’re my son, Brutus,” I said. “Which, now that I’ve had some time to think about it, seems impossible. For one thing we’re the same age, and when I had… relations… with… that cat… I wasn’t a kitten and neither was she.” I blushed. Luckily no one sawit, on account of my blorange fur. “Oh, and he also said Harriet is my sister. Which seems unlikely, as we look nothing alike.”

“Milo said you used to be in love with me but now you hate me so much you want to kill me, Max,” said Harriet softly.

“What?! That’s crazy!”

“Yeah. He also said Dooley poops the walls because he’s in love with me, too,” she added with a sly smile.

“I only poop the walls to get rid of all of those worms!” Dooley cried.

“What worms? Who gave you that crazy idea?” asked Harriet.

“Milo,” said Dooley, understanding finally dawning. “Oh, boy. I’ve been punked.”

“Milo told me you’re my brother, Max,” Brutus grumbled. “And Dooley is my son and Harriet is my aunt. He also told me you’re a raging nymphomaniac, Harriet.”

“What’s a nymphomaniac?” asked Dooley.

“Um, someone who likes nymphs,” said Harriet, looking startled.

“Oh, I like nymphs,” said Dooley.

“This cat’s been having a big laugh at our expense,” I said.

“Do you see me laughing?” asked Brutus.