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Mom also walked in now, completing the family portrait. And with five cats following the altercation with rapt attention, it was almost like the nativity scene, if Max was a donkey, Dooley an ox, Brutus a camel and Milo Baby Jesus.“What’s with all the shouting?” Mom asked.

“She sent two dozen hobos into my office!” said Dad, still not making one lick of sense.

Mom must have thought so, too, for she said,“You’re not making one lick of sense, Tex.”

Dad took a steadying breath, planted his hands on his hips and started from the top, just like Odelia had suggested.“Two dozen hobos walked into my office.”

“Is this a joke?” asked Gran. “Cause I’m laughing already.”

“Two dozen hobos, Scarlett Canyon and I were in the office.”

“This is a joke!” said Gran. “I love it!”

“You sent them,” said Dad, doing the pointing-finger routine again. “I was in there for over two hours. One of them had a pin through his nose and one woman thought she had two growths on her chest but they were just two old raisins that had gotten stuck there.”

Mom threw up her hands. It’s one thing for a woman to know that her husband, being a doctor, will be forced to look at other women’s chests from time to time but quite another to be given these kinds of graphic descriptions of the lurid act.

“They’re called breasts, Tex, for crying out loud,” Mom said now.

“Raisins,” her husband insisted stubbornly. “When I touched them they came right off. Look, that’s all beside the point. Your mother hates the fact that I hired a new receptionist, and she’ll go to any lengths to sabotage my work.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Gran. “If this Canyon woman is such a lousy receptionist why do you let her work there in the first place? Besides, you don’t even pay her, so what’s up with that?”

Mom turned on her husband.“Scarlett Canyon is volunteering for you?”

“Yes, she is,” said Dad. “And she’s doing a great job, too—until your mother started interfering.”

“You do know that Scarlett Canyon had an affair with my dad, don’t you?” said Mom.

Uh-oh, Odelia thought. Things were about to get ugly.

Dad opened and closed his mouth like a fish on dry land for a moment, then stammered,“I… she didn’t… she didn’t mention that on her—are you sure that was her?”

“Of course I know that was her. It’s the whole reason Dad walked out on us in the first place. And you know about that. I told you.”

More of the fish on dry land routine. Odelia was starting to feel sorry for her dad. She decided to put in her two cents.“Look, none of this would have happened if Gran hadn’t deserted Dad when he needed her the most.”

“Oh, don’t give me that crap,” said Gran. “None of this would have happened if Tex hadn’t deserted me whenIneeded him the most!”

“You were pretending to be a man’s mother!” Tex cried. “That’s a felony!”

“Just a little fib,” Gran insisted. “Besides, I did it for this family.”

The argument would go on all night if not nipped in the bud, Odelia knew, so she held up her hands and yelled over the yellers,“I think this calls for a time-out!”

That got their attention. Mom gawked at her, Gran blinked, and Dad frowned.

“We’re not toddlers, honey,” said Mom. “You can’t give us a time-out.”

“I can if you behave like toddlers. So not a peep from you for the next five minutes.”

She would have put them in the corner but that was probably too much. To her relief, the three other adults in the room respected her decision to call for a time-out under her own roof, and she went right back to preparing the spaghetti bolognese she was making. Five minutes wasn’t much, but it was amazing how peaceful things suddenly became.

Dad was glaring at Gran, though, who was scowling at him, and Mom was alternately glowering at both her husband and her mother, so this time-out wouldn’t solve the bigger issue, which was that these grownups had to learn to behave like adults. As it was, Odelia’s cats were better-behaved than the humans who were supposed to take care of them.

Five minutes later, Dad stalked out angrily, Mom followed suit, and Gran settled in to watchJeopardy.

Ugh. At least the shouting had stopped.

And then Dua Lipa began to sing and she frowned at her phone. Wiping her hands once more, she picked it up.“Mr. Paunch?”

“Hey, Odelia. Can I call you Odelia? I feel like we know each other. And I love this connection we have.” When she didn’t respond, he cleared his throat. “Anyway, just wanted to congratulate you on the updated rich list. Van is a very happy camper right now. How is that Wikipedia article coming along?”

“I told you—I don’t work for Wikipedia, Mr. Paunch.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now could you mention in tomorrow’s piece that President Wilcox is the tallest president that ever served this country? The absolute tallest?”

“Tomorrow’s piece? How did you know I’m writing a piece for tomorrow’s edition?”

“Oh, please, Odelia. Must we play this game? I’m one of the best-informed people in the country, okay? So why wouldn’t I know what you and Dan Goory are up to?”