Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 34, No. 13 & 14, Winter 1989

Dick looked into the room. “How the hell did that happen.” He locked the door carefully.

Percy just stood there waiting for his legs to regain their function. “I’ll go home now. I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

“No, don’t do that. I don’t want you to go away thinking badly of me.”

“I won’t do that,” moaned Percy. “I don’t doubt you were driven to it. I’m not feeling very well.”

But the big man had other ideas. “Come upstairs and I’ll give you a drink... and we’ll decide where we go from here.”

Percy looked around for an escape route, but there didn’t seem to be one. “I don’t really have much option, do I?”

“Not really,” said Dick, and guided the unwilling little man up the stairs. Seated at the counter again, Dick poured two enormous drinks in spite of Percy’s protests that he wasn’t used to whisky.

“You’re in a state of shock,” he said, “so knock that back. Cheers.”

“Cheers,” said Percy, obeying. “Wow — that was strong.”

“Put you right — there,” filling the glasses again. “You can drink this one more slowly while I tell you exactly what happened.”

“Hic! Pardon.” The two large whiskies were taking effect already. Percy began to feel a warm glow and a feeling of confidence. Maybe his position wasn’t as hopeless as it had seemed while he was being hustled up the stairs. He took a generous sip of his third whisky. He was beginning to get a taste for it. “Right you are then, old soldier, fire away and no lies this time.”

“Percy, my old bard, I haven’t told you a lie yet. I may have noted some unlikely possibilities and left out a few details. I’ll fill them in now.”

Percy took another sip. He was beginning to feel well in control of the situation. “Carry on, corporal,” he said.

Dick took a deep swig himself. “I’d arranged to go on a short hunting trip with Len Gardner, but at the last minute he phoned to say he couldn’t make it — Mag took the message. I said never mind, I’d go on my own, and that started it. All the afternoon — what if this, what if that, what if, what if, what if! Drove me barmy.”

“Must say I see her point of view.”

“Now, Percy, I thought we’d agreed...”

“Not nagging,” said Percy, “see your point of view too, but not safe to go in the bush alone.”

“Dammit, man, the bush is no more dangerous to me than walking down the street is to you.”

“Funny things happen to me walking down the street,” said Percy pointedly. Dick decided to let that one ride.

“Anyway I kept out of her way all evening while I got my gear ready. She went to bed early. The trouble was that she’d got old and frail and couldn’t understand that I was still strong as an ox. I sleep in the spare room when I’m going off early so’s not to disturb her.”

“Thoughtful of you.” Percy drained his glass.

“I’m not all bad. I went to kiss her goodnight, and damn me if she didn’t start all over again. What would happen to her if... I let her rant on for ten minutes; then, when I was beginning to lose my temper, I grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a good shake. ‘That’s enough,’ I shouted, ‘now shut up and go to sleep.’ I dropped her on the pillow and stalked out. When I got home two days later, she was still there.”

Percy was shocked. He pushed his glass towards Dick, who filled it automatically.

“You told me she’d gone.”

“She had gone but she was still there, if you get my drift.”

“You sure she was still there — not there again?”

“She didn’t seem to have moved. Can’t be sure, though. A person in bed one night looks much the same as any other night. I think I must have dislocated her neck — her head was floppy.”

“The doctor could have told you.”

“I didn’t send for the doctor. He’d only have confirmed that I’d killed her.”

“The pleesh then — it was only an accident.”

“I thought about it, but what would they do? Lock me up. Drag me through the courts. Accuse me of womanslaughter, then lock me up again. I don’t have time for all that.”

“Right, no time for all that. So what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. I thought, She’s gone now, poor dear, and perhaps not much before her time. And nothing will bring her back. And I don’t expect to last much longer. A couple of years, perhaps, then one of the things she worried about will happen. So why not leave it at that?”

“You’re quite right — couldn’t agree more.” The mists that had clouded Percy’s thinking were beginning to clear. “But laws, customs, and you had a corpse on your hands.”

“Yes,” replied Dick, “and a busybody neighbor, so I carried poor Mag down to the cold room and hid her behind the carcasses while I thought things through.”

“And have you?”

“Well, no. Up to now it’s worked very well as it is. ’Nother drink?”

“Cheers,” said Percy, clinking his glass with Dick’s. “Whatcha mean — up to now?”

“You don’t think anything’s changed?”

“Why should it? Just because you showed me a foot? Not my bishness is it what a man dush with hish wife? Own affair.”

“You mean you don’t intend to phone the police as soon as you get home?” Dick eyed him narrowly.

“Not lesh you want me to.”

“Why the devil should I want you to?”