Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

So off they flew (и они взлетели). The Pilot doing as many rolls (пилот проделывал столько "бочек": roll — свиток, сверток; авиац. «бочка» — двойной переворот через крыло) and dives (и пикирований; dive — ныряние; to dive — нырять) as he could — heading to the ground (сколько мог — направляясь в землю) as fast as the plane could go (так быстро, как самолет мог лететь) and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second (и выходил из пикирования прямо в самую последнюю секунду). Not a word (ни слова). Finally he admitted defeat (наконец он признал поражение) and went back the airport (и вернулся в аэропорт).

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything? (я удивлен, почему вы ничего не сказали)"

"Well I almost said something (ну, я чуть не сказал что-то) when Sue fell out (когда Сью выпала), but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the Midwest, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."

The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.

And once he got there the feeling became very strong. Sue and Bob started an argument.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you utter one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls and dives as he could — heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the airport.

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

No way.

I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?

At a local coffee bar (в местной кофейне), a young woman (молодая женщина) was expounding on her idea (разъясняла, излагала свою идею; expounding [@ks'paundIN]) of the perfect mate to some of her friends (об идеальном муже кому-то из своих подруг).

"The man I marry (человек, за которого я выйду) must be a shining light amongst company (должен быть светочем: «сияющим светом» в обществе: «среди общества»). He must be musical (он должен быть музыкальным). Tell jokes (рассказывать анекдоты). Sing (петь). And stay home at night! (и оставаться дома ночью, вечером)"

An old granny overheard and spoke up (старушка услышала и заговорила), "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV! (дорогая, если это все, что ты хочешь, купи телевизор)"

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!

A boy is about to go on his first date (парень собирается идти на свое первое свидание), and is nervous about what to talk about (и волнуется, о чем говорить). He asks his father for advice (он просит у своего отца совета; advice [@d'vaIs]).

The father replies, "My son, there are three subjects that always work (мой сын, есть три темы, которые всегда "работают"; subject ['sVbdZIkt]).

These are food, family, and philosophy (это еда, семья и философия; philosophy [fi'lOs@fI])."