Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

A stage whisper ("театральный" шепот) was heard from the percussion section (был услышан cо стороны ударников; percussion — столкновение; percussion instrument — ударный инструмент): "And if he can't handle even that (а если он не может владеть даже этим; to handle — оперировать; справляться), they take away one of his sticks (забирают одну из его палочек) and make him a conductor (и делают его дирижером)."

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

He can't handle even that.

For the first time in many years (в первый раз за много лет), an old man traveled from his rural town to the city (пожилой человек приехал из cвоего провинциального городка в город) to attend a movie (посетить кино). After buying his ticket (после покупки билета, купив билет), he stopped to purchase some popcorn (он остановился купить попкорна; to purchase ['p@:rtS@s] - приобретать).

Handing the attendant (давая служащему; attendant [@'tend@nt]) $1.50, he couldn't help but comment (он не смог удержаться от замечания; to comment ['kOment]), "The last time I came to the movie (последний раз, когда я был в кино), popcorn was only 15 cents (попкорн был только 15 центов)."

"Well, sir (ну, сэр)," the attendant replied (ответил) with a grin (с усмешкой), "You're really going to enjoy yourself (вы действительно развлечетесь). We have sound now… (теперь у нас есть звук = теперь кино звуковое)"

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now…"

You're really going to enjoy yourself.

A man really loved a woman (один человек действительно = очень сильно любил одну женщину), but he was just too shy (но он был слишком стеснительным) to propose to her (чтобы сделать ей предложение). Now he was up in his years (сейчас он был уже в годах) and neither of them had ever been married (и никто из них никогда /ever — когда-либо/ не состоял в браке; neither ['naID@(r)]; to marry — вступать в брак). Of course, they dated about once a week (конечно, они ходили на свидание раз в неделю) for the past six years (все последние шесть лет), but he was so timid (робкий; timid ['tImId]) he just never got around (он просто так и не собрался) to suggesting marriage (предложить брак; suggest [s@'dZest]; marriage ['m@rIdZ]) much less living together (еще меньше — жить вместе = а сожительствовать уж и подавно /не решился предложить/).

But one day (но однажды), he became determined to ask her the question (он «стал» /достаточно/ решительным, чтобы задать ей этот вопрос = он решился задать ей этот вопрос). So he calls her on the phone (он звонит ей по телефону), "June."

"Yes, this is June (да, это Джун)."

"Will you marry me? (ты выйдешь за меня)"

"Of course I will! (конечно, выйду) Who's this? (кто это)"