Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin' (конечно нет, /если/ не задаешь вопросов, никогда ничего и не узнаешь)."

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

Don't rightly know.

Do you mind my asking you all of these questions?

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven (все на Земле умирают и отправляются на небеса). God comes and says (Бог приходит и говорит), "I want the men to make two lines (я хочу, чтобы мужчины составили два ряда, построились в два ряда). One line for the men that dominated their women on earth (доминировали, главенствовали над своими женами на Земле) and the other line for the men that were whipped (были покорены: «высечены») by their women. Also (также), I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

Said and done (сказано — сделано), the next time, God looks (в следующий раз Бог смотрит) the women are gone ("ушедшие") and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long (длиной 100 миль), on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man (был только один человек).

God got mad (разгневался /to get-got-got/: «стал рассерженным»; mad — сумасшедший, безумный; рассерженный) and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves (вы, мужчины, должны стыдится самих себя). I created you in my image (я создал вас по своему образу), and you were all whipped by your mates (вашими супругами). Look at the only one of my sons (посмотрите на всего лишь одного из моих сыновей) that stood up and made me proud (который был на высоте, выстоял и "сделал меня гордым" /to stand-stood-stood/; to stand up — вставать; оказываться прочным), learn from him! (учитесь у него) Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line? (скажи им, сын мой, как ты ухитрился быть единственным в этом ряду)"

The man said, "I don't know (я не знаю). My wife told me to stand here (моя жена сказала мне встать здесь /to tell-told-told/)."

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, learn from him! Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?"

The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Learn from him!

While sports fishing off the Florida coast (во время спортивной рыбалки у побережья Флориды), a tourist capsized his boat (турист опрокинул лодку). He could swim (он умел плавать /can-could/), but his fear of alligators (но его боязнь крокодилов) kept him clinging to the overturned craft (заставляла его держаться за перевернутую посудину; craft — судно).