Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

"Well (ну)," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship (мы брали на абордаж вражеский корабль) and were battling the other sailors with swords (и сражались с теми моряками на саблях; sword — меч, шпага, сабля). One of (один из) the enemies cut my hand off (отрезал мою руку /to cut-cut-cut — резать/; to cut off — отрезать)."

"Incredible! (невероятно)" remarked (заметил) the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch? (а как ты получил повязку на глаз)"

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye (чайка капнула мне в глаз; drop — капля; здесь: помет; /to fall-fell-fallen — падать/)," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping? (ты потерял свой глаз из-за помета чайки /to lose-lost-lost/)" the sailor asked incredulously (недоверчиво).

"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook (это был мой первый день с моим протезом)."

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook?"

"Well," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook."

Incredible!

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours (человек уже пил в баре несколько часов) when he mentioned something about his girlfriend (когда он сказал что-то о своей девушке), being out in the car (которая была на улице в машине). The bartender (бармен), concerned (обеспокоенный) because it was so cold (потому что было так холодно), went to check on her (пошел проведать ее; to check — проверять). When he looked inside the car (когда он заглянул в машину), he saw the man's friend (он увидел друга того человека /to see-saw-seen/), Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another (целующимися). The bartender shook his head (он покачал головой /to shake-shook-shaken/) and walked back inside (и вернулся назад; inside — внутрь).

He told the drunk (он сказал пьяному /to tell-told-told/) that he thought it might be (могла бы быть) a good idea to check on his girlfriend (что он думает, что это была бы неплохая идея — проверить его девчонку). The fellow (парень) staggered outside to the car (шатаясь, пошел на улицу, к машине), saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing (увидел своего приятеля и свою девушку целующимися), then walked back into the bar laughing (и вернулся в бар, смеясь). "What's so funny? (что смешного)" the bartender asked (спросил).

"That stupid Dave! (этот тупой, дурак Дэйв)" the fellow chortled (хохотнул, фыркнул), "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me! (он настолько пьян, что думает, будто он - это я)"

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.

He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

It might be a good idea to check on your girlfriend.

What's so funny?