Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

"Well, not quite (ну, не совсем)," the priest intoned (пропел, произнес нараспев, протянул). "I was going through the Ten Commandments as you suggested (я проходил через Десять Заповедей, как ты посоветовал). But when I got to the part about ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ (не прелюбодействуй)," I remembered (вспомнил) where I left (где я оставил /to leave-left-left/) my bike."

The rabbi and the priest met every Sunday at 2 PM in the park to talk over the week's event sat. They rode their bicycles to a special bench every Sunday for twenty years.

One Sunday the rabbi got to bench exactly at 2 and waited and waited. An hour went by and the priest was still not there.

The rabbi rode home and called the priest on the phone. "Hey, Father, what happened?" The rabbi asked. "For twenty years we've met at the park every Sunday, but today you didn't show up. What's wrong?

"Well Rabbi," the priest explained, "after church today I went out to get my bike to meet you, but my bike was missing. I know it must have been someone in my parish who took it. Rabbi, what should I do?"

"Well, that's quite a dilemma, Father." The rabbi said thoughtfully, "I'll tell you what you should do. Next Sunday when you give your sermon, speak of the Ten Commandments. When you get to the part about ‘Thou shall not steal’, look over your congregation, and the person with the guilty look will be the one who stole your bicycle."

The following Sunday at 2 the rabbi was already waiting for the priest.

Promptly at 2 up rode the priest on his bike.

"Well Father, my idea must have worked," the rabbi said.

"Well, not quite," the priest intoned. "I was going through the Ten Commandments as you suggested. But when I got to the part about ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’, I remembered where I left my bike."

What happened?

What's wrong?

What should I do?

Well, my idea must have worked.

Well, not quite.

A carpenter (плотник) in Chelm is fixing the roof (чинит крышу), but as he works (в то время, как он работает, работая), he throws away (отбрасывает) about half the nails (около половины гвоздей). The mayor is passing by (мэр проходит мимо), and asks him why he's wasting so many nails (и спрашивает его, почему он тратит впустую так много гвоздей; to waste — расточать, тратить /впустую/).

The carpenter answers (отвечает), "I take a nail out of the bag (я беру гвоздь из ящика), and if it's facing the roof (и если он лицом = острием к крыше), I use it (я его использую); if it's facing away (если в другую сторону: «прочь»), I know it's defective (я знаю, что он бракованный) and throw it away."

The mayor tells him, "You fool! (дурак) Those are for the other side!! (те для другой стороны)"

A carpenter in Chelm is fixing the roof, but as he works, he throws away about half the nails. The mayor is passing by, and asks him why he's wasting so many nails. The carpenter answers, "I take a nail out of the bag, and if it's facing the roof, I use it; if it's facing away, I know it's defective and throw it away."

The mayor tells him, "You fool! Those are for the other side!!"

You fool!