Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

"OY! You wouldn't believe! (ты не поверишь) what a day I had (ну и денек у меня был сегодня: «какой я имела денек»; to moan — стонать; жаловаться)"

Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying. "I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you've been having an affair with that chippy secretary in your office.

Why would you do that to me?

Haven't I always been the good wife? I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"

Embarrassed, Morris confesses, "It's true, Sadie, you've been the best wife a man could hope for.

You make me happy in all ways but one. You don't moan when we have sex!"

"If I moaned when we had sex, you'd stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!"

So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb between the sheets.

As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, "Now, Morris, should I moan now?"

"No, not yet."

Morris begins fondling Sadie. "What about now? Should I moan now?"

"No, I'll tell you when."

They begin to make love…

"Is it time for me to moan, Morris?"

"Wait, I'll tell you when."

Moments later, in the heat of passion, seconds before reaching climax,

Morris yells, "Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!"

"OY! You wouldn't believe what a day I had!"

You wouldn't believe what a day I had!

The rabbi and the priest met (рабби и священник встречались /to meet-met-met/) every Sunday at 2 PM in the park (каждое воскресенье в 2 часа после полудня в парке) to talk over the week's event set (побеседовать о «наборе» событий за неделю). They rode their bicycles (они приезжали на велосипедах /to ride-rode-ridden/) to a special bench (скамейка) every Sunday for twenty years (в течение двадцати лет).

One Sunday the rabbi got to bench exactly (прибыл к скамейке точно) at 2 and waited and waited (ждал). An hour went by (прошел час) and the priest was still not there (а священника все не было: «все еще не был там»).

The rabbi rode home (домой) and called the priest on the phone (и позвонил священнику по телефону). "Hey, Father, what happened? (что случилось)" The rabbi asked (спросил). "For twenty years we've met at the park every Sunday, but today you didn't show up (но сегодня ты не появился). What's wrong? (что случилось: «что не так, неверно»)

"Well Rabbi," the priest explained (объяснил), "after church (после церкви) today I went out to get my bike (я вышел взять мой велосипед) to meet you, but my bike was missing (пропал: «был пропавшим, отсутствующим»). I know it must have been (я знаю, это должен был быть) someone in my parish (кто-нибудь в моем приходе) who took it (кто взял его). Rabbi, what should I do? (что мне делать: «что я должен сделать»)"

"Well, that's quite a dilemma (да, это, пожалуй, дилемма), Father." The rabbi said thoughtfully (задумчиво), "I'll tell you what you should do (я скажу тебе, что делать). Next Sunday when you give your sermon (в следующее воскресенье, когда будешь читать: «давать» свою проповедь), speak of the Ten Commandments (поговори о Десяти Заповедях). When you get to the part about (когда дойдешь до места: «части» о) ‘Thou shall not steal’ (не укради), look over your congregation (огляди свою паству), and the person with the guilty look (с виноватым взглядом; guilt — вина) will be the one who stole (будет тот, кто украл /to steal-stole-stolen/) your bicycle."

The following Sunday (в следующее воскресенье) at 2 the rabbi was already waiting for the priest (уже поджидал священника).

Promptly (точно) at 2 up rode the priest on his bike.

"Well Father, my idea must have worked (моя идея, должно быть, сработала)," the rabbi said.