Berries and Greed

I snorted, tapping the ash off my joint into the ashtray. “I’m embarrassing enough for the both of us.”

“You’re not embarrassing at all. I love how unapologetically yourself you are. You’re so...” Her cheeks flamed bright pink. “Anyway, I, uh… I liked the wrestling.”

I nodded, rubbing one of my ears to try and stop it fluttering madly. “How about shade?”

She laughed. “Yeah, I like that too. I don’t think I’ll want to do it all that often. It feels a little weird to be so… spacey.”

“Yeah, I get it.” I shrugged. “That’s why I like it, but I know some people don’t enjoy feeling, you know, not totally in control.”

“Yeah, I think that’s what it is.” She paused. “I like being in control.”

My mind took that in a completely different—and inappropriate—way, making my gut squeeze tight. Did Beryl like being in control in… all things?

Suddenly, I was picturing Beryl standing over me as I knelt on the floor. Or, oh shit, while I was tied to a bed, where she could do whatever she wanted to me and I’d just have to lie there and obediently take it. I’d never been tied up. It was an unfulfilled fantasy of mine. All of my fantasies were unfulfilled.

My cock twitched, so I hurriedly grabbed several blankets and dragged them over me. Realising I hadn’t responded to Beryl, I sucked on the joint and mumbled something indistinct around it.

Tracing the blanket beside her, she quietly asked, “Do you miss Agma?”

Blinking at the abrupt subject change, I made a face and shook my head. “No. Not at all. We weren’t right for each other. She tried to turn me into what she wanted. What was right for her.”

Beryl pursed her lips, keeping her eyes downcast. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t wish she could’ve just accepted you for who you are. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss her.”

“I really don’t,” I told her honestly. “I was attracted to her, sure, and initially she seemed… good.” Meaning bossy and dominant in the way I liked. “But the longer we were together, the clearer it got that we didn’t work. We wanted, um, different things.”

She nodded. “You mean like her being really sociable and wanting to go out a lot?”

“That, yeah. That was a huge part of it. She thought it was super boring to sit and watch TV in the evenings. She never wanted to just stay in and relax. We didn’t share any interests, which is fine in itself, but she kept trying to, like… shoehorn me into parts of her life that I didn’t fit into. But not for my benefit. Just because she wanted to have a boyfriend she could show off who… I don’t know, enjoyed wine-tasting evenings and going to look at confusing artwork or watch pretentious indie films at the weekends.”

Beryl chuckled. “But you have a lot of artwork in your house, so you must like it.”

“I do like and appreciate art, but Agma liked the stuff that was like… you know, a single black line on a white canvas or a half-eaten apple on a pedestal. So she and all her friends could pretend that they understood its ‘deep meaning’ and spend an entire evening discussing it loudly over dinner in a fancy restaurant, saying it spoke to them and stuff.” I snorted, taking another drag of my joint, and muttered, “Such bullshit.”

Beryl nodded. Sounding a little guilty, like she didn’t want to badmouth Agma, she said, “I bet she didn’t like any of the shows you watch.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Nope. She thought it was embarrassing and juvenile.”

Beryl’s cheeks flushed with anger. “It’s not juvenile or embarrassing. It’s just how you relax. You work so hard, Greid, and your jewellery is so beautiful and intricate. I bet it’s a real strain sitting there for hours, hunched over and staring at all those tiny details.”

Warmth rushed through my whole body as I grinned at her. Beryl got me. “Yeah, well, Agma didn’t see it that way. She was impressed by my business. I think she just wished the rest of my lifestyle fit in with the image of that. You know—successful jeweller living in a nice part of the city…”

“Those things are impressive. You should be so proud of yourself.” To my utter alarm, Beryl’s eyes got all shiny with tears. “I’m proud of you, Greid. I think you’re amazing. I envy you so much.”

“What? No. Envy me? No.” My throat closed up as she sniffed and rubbed her eye. “Beryl—”

“God, sorry, I don’t know why I…” She covered her face with her hands. “Stupid shade.”

“Do you want me to go and get you some water?” I hurriedly stubbed out my joint and went to climb gracelessly out of the nest, but she grabbed my leg.

“No, stay here. Please.” Tears were dripping down her flushed cheeks, and she swiped angrily at her eyes. “God, I’m sorry. I think it’s just—Actually achieving something today has made me… It feels amazing, but also overwhelming.”