Daughters of the Night Sky

“Well, that’s something, I suppose.” I laughed, not knowing which option I hoped was true. I sipped through the foam on my lager, wondering how much would be prudent to drink. No more than half, though it seemed a waste.

“You know what you’re doing, not that you need me to tell you that. Insecure little prigs like Karlov will spend their whole lives trying to convince you otherwise, but you don’t have to let them.” He rearranged his roasted potatoes into a pattern as he spoke, unable to fully leave his art behind him.

“I do try. It’s not always easy, though.” I wished I were the sort of woman who could easily ignore Karlov’s rebukes and oversights, but I was an academic’s daughter and couldn’t entirely ignore the opinions of my instructors—founded or unjust.

“I can only imagine. Just do me one favor to repay me for getting you back in the cockpit.”

I set my fork aside my plate. “What exactly is that?”

“Remember how much fun this afternoon has been. Look up from your books every once in a while, and enjoy yourself. And enjoy what you can before graduation… no matter what else happens.”

“I will try,” I said, “but I have a favor to ask of you as well.” I felt my hands shaking as I sought the words I needed. “Today was wonderful, but I don’t think we should do this again.”

“Katya, we’re two grown people enjoying an afternoon off. No one could have a thing to say about it.” He reached into his pocket for his cigarettes. I’d made him nervous.

“Vanya, you don’t know how it is for us. You can’t possibly. We’re held to different standards.” I folded my hands on the table in front of me, resolute. “Women like me have to choose between career and romance. I can’t let myself get distracted. If it’s any consolation, this is the first time I regret that.”

“‘Distraction.’ That charming word of yours again. Very well, then.” He lit his cigarette, his eyes drifting off to inspect something on the wall behind me for several moments. “If this is a date, and it is to be our last, then indulge me and let me drag it on a bit. Let’s have dessert and coffee, unless you worry for your reputation too much.”

“Of course.”

We dropped the subject and talked of painting and music, then lingered over the subject of our parents. His father sounded like a brute, and his mother too docile to temper him and protect her son. I spoke of Mama with concern and Papa with reverence—his sweet temper, quick wit, and brilliant mind. The courses he taught and how widely respected he was. Even the mention of him twelve years after his death caused the air to catch in my chest and form a dull ache that rivaled the swell of pride I felt telling Vanya of his accomplishments.

“I envy you your happy memories of your father. He must have been a wonderful man.” He exhaled cigarette smoke from his nostrils. He resembled an irritated dragon for a moment; then his shoulders drooped again. What was he remembering? More aptly, what was he forcing himself to forget?

“He was,” I agreed. “And brilliant. I’d give my wings to speak with him again.”

“He’d be furious with you for making such a sacrifice,” Vanya said, extinguishing his cigarette in the chipped glass ashtray. “Let’s get back before we’re missed.”

I felt my heart sink at his pronouncement but knew he was right. It was several hours until curfew, but the earlier we returned, the less chance there would be of rumors spreading.

Though it was the middle of May, the night air was still cool, and I wrapped my shawl tightly around my shoulders. Vanya slipped his arm around me, and I wanted to tell him to take it back, but the words wouldn’t come. His warmth across my back and waist was too inviting, his musky scent too enticing. Taisiya had been right: he would be a distraction if I let him.

“You’re right about something,” he said as we walked down the main road in town. “I don’t know how hard it is for you and the other girls to make your way in the academy. I can try to understand, though.” Regret lined his face, but so did sincerity. That he had the largeness of mind to think about a woman’s ambitions beyond marriage, babies, and housekeeping lifted him a wide cut above most men.

“Thank you for saying that. Some days it’s murder just to show up to class, knowing how Karlov will latch on to the tiniest flaw in my performance, or invent one when he can’t. I know that’s exactly what he wants. You having to intervene for me just to get my rightful place in the cockpit infuriates me. That’s part of the reason I haven’t gone out of my way to be friendly.”