Dial a Ghost

‘Daisy was a large cow, ready for milking. She came up to the Queen and mooed and pushed her head on to the table and the glass fell over and spilled wine on to the royal skirt. Then came Buttercup . . . and after Buttercup came Violet . . . and after Violet came Rose and Geranium and Marigold. All our cows were named for flowers. Twenty-three cows were herded into the dining hall, mooing and shoving their heads into the plates and . . . er . . . lifting their tails to spatter the ground with manure . . . And after them came the bull. The bull was called Hector – he weighed over a ton – and he began chasing Daisy. Daisy was his favourite. You can imagine . . . chairs turned over, people on the table, tails swishing . . . and the Queen, the famous Queen whose throne was inlaid with ivory and tourmaline and gold, shrieking and stepping in cow-pats and being butted in the behind by Daisy’s horns.’

‘And then came the sheep,’ said Adopta suddenly. ‘The cows were easy – I just shooed them up the steps – but the stupid dog couldn’t get the idea of herding sheep into the house.’

Both the de Bones turned to her. ‘So you do remember! It’s all coming back to you,’ they said excitedly. ‘You see now that you are truly our child!’

Addie shrugged. ‘I remember the cows and the sheep – and that silly Queen honking at the end of the table.’

‘Anyway, that was the end of all Pelham’s hopes of becoming an earl. The Queen left that night and never came back and we were very, very angry. So we locked you in the tower at the edge of the lake. We just wanted to keep you there for the night and make you realize what a terrible thing you had done. We never imagined you would jump into the water and try to escape. Oh, the misery and the guilt and the wretchedness . . . After that I’m afraid we let ourselves go.’

‘You certainly did that,’ said Grandma, looking at Lady de Bone’s dress and the bare feet with their mouldering toes.

‘Even before we became ghosts we had become hermits in the castle,’ Sabrina went on. ‘And we decided that if our little girl was lost to us for ever, no other children should sleep unharmed in their beds. But now everything will be quite different if only you will come into my arms and call me “Mother”.’

‘And come into my arms and call me “Father”,’ Pelham put in.

Addie twitched her nightdress out of his hand. ‘You must be mad,’ she said. ‘Do you really think I want parents who tried to kill my best friend? Not to mention what your beastly snake did to the budgie.’

The de Bones sidled up to Oliver. ‘We are really very sorry, dear boy. Very sorry indeed,’ said Lady de Bone.

‘On the other hand,’ put in Pelham, ‘you must remember that we were particularly asked to come here and do our most sinister haunting. We were told to go to the tower room and pull out all the stops. Mrs Mannering said that the gentleman who ordered us most particularly wanted evil ghosts.’

Everyone now looked at everyone else. The de Bones might be loathsome, but they seemed to be telling the truth.

Someone – and it had to be Fulton – had wanted Oliver harmed or even dead.

‘Now do you believe me?’ asked Adopta, turning to her friend.

But Oliver still had trouble believing that anyone who had sent him the Wilkinsons could be totally evil. ‘You don’t think he guessed that the Shriekers were your parents and wanted to give you a surprise?’

‘Oh for goodness sake,’ began Addie.

But she caught Uncle Henry’s glance and said no more. Clearly something would have to be done about Fulton Snodde-Brittle, but not till Oliver could be got away to safety.

‘Mr Tusker thinks Oliver’s drowned,’ said Eric when Oliver had fallen asleep at last. ‘I heard him going round the lake with Miss Match before he left. He’s going to tell Fulton.’

‘Good,’ said Uncle Henry. ‘In that case it won’t be long before Fulton’s back.’

‘And we’ll be ready for him,’ said Sir Pelham – and this time the Wilkinsons were glad to hear the crack of his whip and see the hatred in his hollow eyes.

Chapter Twenty-Two

To decide that Oliver should be got out of the way was one thing; to get him to go was another. He didn’t want to leave Helton even for a couple of days. He knew how worried Aunt Maud was about losing Adopta, and how Addie fretted about the budgie, and he wanted to be with them and help.

It was Grandma who persuaded him to go. ‘I’m worried sick about Mr Hofmann,’ she said. ‘And if you mean it, I’d like to ask him down to Helton – and Pernilla too. But I want you to come too, so it’ll seem like a proper invitation.’

What Grandma started, Trevor finished by writing to ask Oliver if he’d come up for his birthday. So they took the housekeeping money which Miss Match had left in the kitchen drawer and set off for London, and everyone in the Home was so pleased to see him, and so excited to have a ghost to stay, that Oliver couldn’t be sorry he had come.

Now they were on their way to Mr Hofmann, but there was something Grandma wanted to show him first.