Dying for Chocolate

“General Bo,” said Julian, “you’re great.” He reached over and gently braided his fingers through Sissy’s limp ones. Brian slid a look across to the teenagers’ clasped hands. Weezie visibly stiffened.

I began to clear the plates. I said, “Mussolini and Ceausescu may not have known that the word for love potion in Latin is venenum. It also means, ah, poison. So there you are.”

But they didn’t want to talk about poison. The conversation settled uneasily into local politics while I sliced the torta. A meeting of the county commissioners was coming up, where projects approved by the planning commission would get final approval or denial. Sissy said that Protect Our Mountains would be involved in several of the hearings. Adele beamed at her. I remembered Protect Our Mountains, a conservation group that led various crusades against development, was another of Adele’s favorite charities.

Weezie signaled for another glass of wine. “Speaking of Protect Our Mountains, I’m so upset about this accident with Philip Miller. I can’t imagine why he would drive like that. He seemed like such a sensible fellow. I wonder if he was having some problems.”

I held the pie cutter still. My back was to the guests. They could not know how acutely I was listening.

“Problems?” said Sissy. “Dr. Miller wasn’t having any problems. His clients had the problems.”

Brian said greedily, “Did he talk to you about his clients?”

This host was definitely weird, I decided as I butchered the last two pieces of torta. What kind of question was that to ask Sissy? At least, I thought he was talking to Sissy. When I turned, all eyes were on me.

Brian said, “Did he tell you his clients’ secrets?”

I paused and closed my eyes. “If he did,” I said, “I can’t remember. He was discreet.”

“I’m so sorry Goldy had to witness that accident,” said General Bo. “Terrible shock.”

“Yes,” I said curtly. “Who would like a piece of torta?” The steaming slices made their rounds. “Eggs,” I began again, “as well as cheese, are reputed to have aphrodisiac properties because of their association with fertility. And chiles are associated with the more southern climes—”

“—where we all know what they do during siesta,” finished Brian.

There was a silence. Sissy looked wide-eyed around the room. Weezie was pinching the red chiffon of her sleeve into unnecessary pleats.

Julian said, “Why don’t you tell us what they do? If you really do know.”

Adele reached across the table and patted Julian’s free hand. Brian Harrington still eyed Julian’s other hand, which lay on Sissy’s.

Brian said, “What an interesting haircut, Julian. I imagine it gets a little cold in the winter.”

“Oh, Bri,” gushed Weezie, “when we met you wore your hair so long. You complained about how it got in your way when you swam.”

“Do you still swim, Brian?” asked Adele.

“Yes, of course,” said Brian. He watched the teenagers’ hands unravel and reknit. He said, “This is wonderful scrambled egg whatever. Should I eat more, or is there an actual main course?”

“Don’t tease Goldy.” Adele spoke with a slight edge of sharpness. “This is simply delicious.”

There were some embarrassed nun’s and ah’s, and I scurried out to fetch the next course, trusting that Real Realtors Ate Lamb Chops. The guests opened their packets with cautious solemnity. All but the teenagers studiously swilled the Cabernet. But whatever was supposed to be happening was not happening. Sissy finished examining all the costly things within reach while Adele began a long discourse on the fundraising drive at Elk Park Prep. Julian was quiet. The general, after being shushed by Adele, ate in silence. Weezie fumed. The only noise came from Brian, who continued to direct his syrupy questions and attention to Sissy. Sissy, however, took no more notice of Brian than she had of the food.

Time for the finale.

“And now chocolate,” I said with a flourish as I brought out the tray. “Chocolate has the most sinful reputation of all, because the phenylethylamine in it simulates the same feeling we get with, ah, sexual happiness—”

“Simulates or stimulates?” asked the general, bewildered.

“Simulates?” interjected Julian. “How does it do that?”

“You’re the scientific person, my dear,” said Adele in her most flattering tone. “Why don’t you tell us?”

“No, thanks.”

“Why don’t you tell us?” mimicked Brian Harrington in a high voice.

My heart squeezed for Julian and the embarrassment I knew he must be feeling. It was like the time I had tried to convince the parents of my Sunday-school kids that they should let me take the class down to help at a Denver soup kitchen. The derisive laughter still rang in my ears.

But I knew jumping to Julian’s defense would only make things worse. Instead, I concentrated on refilling the platter and glasses with cookies and Asti Spumanti. Weezie held up a piece of fudge and murmured to Julian, “I hope Adele told you Brian’s wild about this.” Julian ignored her.