Джейн Эйр / Jane Eyre

Because of his wealth and family connections, Mr. Brocklehurst retained the post of treasurer, but now he had to answer to a committee of new governors. The committee decided to move the school to a new building on the hillside, where there was no fog. We were given bigger helpings, good clothes and proper boots, and more space and time to ourselves. And so Lowood was transformed from a miserable, cruel institution, hardly better than a poorhouse, into a flourishing school with happy, healthy pupils.

I stayed there for eight years. My life was uniform: but not unhappy. My teachers supported me. In time I rose to be the first girl of the first class. Since sixteen I became an assistant teacher to the younger girls.

Through all changes Miss Temple stayed at Lowood. For me, she was a mother, governess, and, latterly, companion. When I grew up, she became a dear friend. Looking at her, I turned calm and quiet and started to appear disciplined even to myself.

But at this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an excellent man) to a distant county, and was lost to me. Destiny, in the shape of the Rev. Mr. Nasmyth, came between me and Miss Temple. I watched her leave in a carriage and with her was gone every feeling, every association that had made Lowood in some degree a home to me.

With her all calmness I had acquired previously was gone, too. Now I was left in my natural element, and beginning to feel old emotions.

My world had for some years been in Lowood: my experience had been of its rules and systems; now I remembered that the real world was wide, and that a field of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had courage to go forth.

I went to the window, opened it, and looked out. My eye passed all other objects to rest on those most remote. I traced the white road going round the base of one mountain, and vanishing in a gorge between two. How I longed to follow it farther! I recalled the time when I had travelled that very road when I was brought to Lowood. I had never quitted it since. My vacations had all been spent at school. Moreover, I had had no communication by letter or message with the outer world. I knew nothing but school-rules, school-duties, school-habits and the voices, faces, phrases, costumes, and preferences of the Lowood people.

And now I felt that it was not enough. I got tired of the routine of eight years in one afternoon. I desired liberty.

Here a bell for supper called me downstairs, and I descended planning to return to my thoughts at bedtime.

Unfortunately, I shared my room with another young teacher, Miss Gryce. She could talk endlessly about trivial matters I hardly cared about, and I often forced myself to look interested. Tonight she insisted on chattering and gossiping as usual. And I felt a great amount of relief when she snored at last.

I sat up in bed. It was a chilly night; I covered my shoulders with a shawl, and then I proceeded TO THINK again with all my might.

“What do I want? A new place, in a new house, amongst new faces, under new circumstances. How do people do to get a new place? I have no friends. But many people have no friends. What is their resource?”

I could not tell. I got up and took a turn in the room, then again crept to bed. As I lay down the suggestion came to me all of a sudden. “Advertisement! You must advertise in the paper! You will need money, you will go to the post in Lowton and ask to be addressed as J.E. The letters could come to the post-office there. A week after you could go and collect the replies.”

As the plan was ready, I felt satisfied and fell asleep.

In the morning I wrote my advertisement. Here is what I put in it:

“A young lady with experience of teaching desires to work in a private family where the children are under fourteen (I thought that as I was barely eighteen, it would not do to undertake the guidance of pupils nearer my own age). She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a good English education, together with French, Drawing, and Music.”

I kept the document locked in my drawer.

I asked the new superintendent[19] to go to Lowton, in order to perform some small commissions for myself and one or two of my fellow-teachers. Permission was given, and I went. It was a walk of two miles, the evening was wet, but the days were still long. I visited a shop or two, brought the letter to the post-office, and came back through heavy rain with a relieved heart.

The next week seemed unbearably long. I counted days and was excited when it was time to go. So, I took another evening walk to the Lowton thinking whether any letters were awaiting me in the post-office.

The old postmistress looked at me suspiciously when I asked if there were any letters for J.E. She looked through a drawer full of envelopes for so long that my hopes began to fade.

Finally, she handed me an envelope.

“Is there only one?” I asked.