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“Oh, you get used to it,” said Prunella as we moved back into the house.

“I really thought he was going to laugh,” said Dooley. “Humans are very hard to read, Max.”

“I know, Dooley. They’re a strange species.”

Once inside, Marge also approached Opal for a brief one-on-one, and they removed themselves from the scene. But since I had a feeling she was going to use this opportunity to complain about Gran’s bathroom habits, I decided not to follow. After all, there’s only so many heartfelt tears a cat can stand in one day.

CHAPTER 31

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“So what have we learned, Dooley?”

“That politicians have feelings, too, and that princes like rain?”

“And that when your brother-in-law is dating the mayor you shouldn’t build illegal bathrooms in your backyard,” I said. Especially when that mayor is a regular guest in that same backyard and can see firsthand what you’re up to.

Charlene might be a good friend of the family, but that didn’t mean she was prepared to turn a blind eye to shoddy building work constructed without the necessary permissions. And so as quickly as it began, Tex’s DIY project came to an end. It had taken the united efforts of the good doctor, Chase and Alec to resurrect the garden house in its full splendor—more or less—and a strong-worded convo between Opal and Gran to get the latter to promise to be more considerate in the future when using her allotted bathroom time, to put an end to this episode.

I settled back on the porch swing, after having eaten my fill of the tender meat Odelia had placed before us, and sighed contentedly. It takes your home being overrun by guests to realize how perfect your life really is. Odelia had revealed to us that she wasn’t actually planning to turn her house into an Airbnb—or a home in the sky, as Dooley referred to it—and the guests who had come, had now gone.

“They could at least have stayed for the barbecue,” said Dooley as he began licking his paws.

“I think Tex’s reputation as a grill master precedes him,” I said. “And since no one likes to run the risk of being poisoned, they decided it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

“At least we’ll still see them, since John and Janine are moving to Hampton Cove.” He glanced around. “Where are Harriet and Brutus, by the way?”

“In the rose bushes.” Ever since Odelia had discovered that our canine visitors had turned her backyard into a dog lavatory, she’d removed the last vestiges of Little John and Little Janine’s sanitary deposits, much to our eternal gratitude.

John and Janine had found a place to stay in town, and had started negotiations to buy back the house Janine’s grandparents built. And as Dooley had indicated, Little John and Little Janine had become a fixture at dog choir.

“You could always build a composting toilet, Tex,” Charlene now suggested.

The humans were all gathered around the family table, while Tex provided them with nuggets of delicious food, straight from the grill (with the kind but insistent assistance of his son-in-law and brother-in-law).

“Don’t you need permission to build a composting toilet?” asked Gran.

“Well, no, actually. And it’s a lot easier to install than outdoor plumbing.”

“You can always use our bathroom, Dad,” said Odelia. “Just pop in any time.”

“Thanks, honey,” said Tex, looking slightly embarrassed to be discussing his bathroom needs with the rest of the family.

“Or you could buy yourself an RV and park it out here,” Scarlett suggested.

Charlene grimaced.“I’m afraid you can’t use an RV as an annex to your home, Scarlett. It has to permanently retain its means of mobility to leave its location at any time.”

“Holy fudge,” said Scarlett. “Did you learn the entire municipal code by heart?”

“As a matter of fact I had another citizen come in last week who wanted to do the exact same thing: install an RV in his backyard. So I had my administration look it up. Which is why I can tell you that I strongly advise against the idea, Tex.”

“My suggestion is to knock down that back wall and do your business in Blake’s field,” said Gran. “Nothing like an early-morning tinkle in nature.”

Tex’s cheeks colored. “Okay, so we have sausages, burgers, delicious ribs…”

“I have the impression he doesn’t like to talk about his bathroom habits, Max,” said Dooley.

“Who does? It’s a very private part of our existence, Dooley. Not something to discuss over dinner.”

“I don’t mind. I can discuss my bathroom habits all day long. For instance, this morning I noticed Odelia has switched litter. The new kind has this weird smell.”

“It’s called baby powder,” I said. “And it’s supposed to be very popular.”

Dooley’s jaw fell. “Baby powder! But, Max! Why do babies have to die so our litter can smell nice?!”

“What are you talking about?” I said, as I eyed a piece of sausage coming my way as carried by Marge, who kindly deposited it between my front paws.

“Powderized babies, Max. We’ve been doing our business on dead babies!”