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“Baby powder is made from talc, Dooley, which is a mineral. No babies are harmed in the making of the stuff. Now eat your sausage.”

“Yes, Max.”

And for the next few moments only the sounds of chewing could be heard, as we masticated our meaty treat. But you can’t keep a chatty cat quiet, and Dooley said, “I’m glad it’s just us again, Max. It’s fun to have guests, but it’s even more fun to watch them leave.”

Which is the slogan of Airbnb if I’m not mistaken. But he was right, of course. I was glad to have the place to ourselves again. Opal and Prunella had returned to LA in their private jet and I’m sure Opal had gone right back to reducing celebrities to tears with her in-depth interviews. Tessa and Prince Dante had a long talk about their future, and decided to get a second home in London and fly back and forth more regularly from now on. And maybe hold off on the ambition of world domination for the time being. And John and Janine had moved into the Star Hotel for now, while negotiations were underway to acquire the house her grandparents built and turn it into their new family home away from home.

But of course that’s not what you are interested in, is it? The question that is burning on your lips right now is whether Ted Trapper finally found a cure for the plaster fatigue his gnomes are suffering from. And I’m happy to say that the answer to that question is an emphatic yes and a four-chair turn. Ever since Ted started rubbing his gnomes with a powerful fungicide, no more gnomes have lost their heads, which makes Tex’s gnome-loving neighbor a very happy man indeed.

“So… Max?”

“Mh?”

“Is it true that cats are more intelligent than dogs?”

I frowned at my friend.“Where did that come from?”

“Oh, just something Gran said the other day. She said dogs come from wolves, while cats come from lions and tigers. And everyone knows that lions are a lot cleverer than wolves and when it came to a showdown lions would win paws down because lions are the king of the jungle and wolves aren’t.” He’d said all that without taking a single breath of air, which amazed me. “So that means that we are king of Hampton Cove and we can eat dogs for breakfast, right? Right, Max?”

From over on the Trapper side of the hedge, Rufus had joined us, and from over on Kurt’s side, Fifi now came tripping up and hopped up onto the porch.

“What’s going on, you guys?” said Fifi happily. “Mh, sausage,” she added when Chase walked by and dropped a piece of sausage in her lap.

“I love sausage,” said Rufus in his deep voice and gave Chase a look of absolute devotion when the latter extended him the same sausage-dispensing courtesy.

When he saw that we were suddenly cornered by dogs, Dooley gulped a little.“Okay, so let’s just say that when it comes to a showdown between a cat and a dog, it might be a draw. But only just,” he quickly added.

“What is he talking about?” asked Rufus.

“Dooley thinks cats are smarter than dogs,” said Fifi.

“I didn’t think you heard,” Dooley muttered as he shrank a little.

“I may not be as clever as you, Dooley, but there’s nothing wrong with my ears, thank you very much. Mh, this is some good stuff. Tex is definitely improving.”

“I’m sorry, Fifi,” said Dooley. “I just want to say that I consider you an honorary cat. You, too, Rufus.”

Rufus frowned.“What does that even mean?”

“It means that I don’t think of you as a dog but as a cat. Well, almost. You’re not a real cat, of course… Not like me, I mean. You’re like… a wannabe cat?”

Both Rufus and Fifi were exchanging amused glances.

“What I mean is…” He blinked, discovering he’d talked himself into a corner.

“I think you better stop talking now, Dooley,” I suggested.

“No, but I mean—what I actually mean is…” Finally he gave up. “I have no idea what I mean. I just want to say is that I like you, Rufus, and I like you, Fifi, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a cat or a dog, I consider you both my best friends.”

“Aww,” said Fifi, and gave Dooley a nudge. “That’s sweet of you to say, Dooley.”

“Yeah, very considerate,” said Rufus. “For a cat you’re okay, Dooley.”

“Not as okay as a dog, obviously,” said Fifi. “But you’re not so bad.”

At Dooley’s look of confusion, they both laughed. And when Dooley finally realized they were pulling his paw, he smiled and said, “Oh, you guys!”

We might make fun of dogs in these chronicles of mine from time to time, but at the end of the day I think dogs are just swell. But please don’t tell them I said that. They just might grow too big for their britches—or their collars.

50. 5. 1. PURRFECT FUZZ

CHAPTER 1