eb93c43e214c621f9157c05b4b6a6878

The sun was rising to its zenith, not stinting on the good stuff, and as is my habit on days when the world seems to have turned into the inner workings of an oven, my day had mainly consisted of me dragging myself from one place to another, in search of some cool and basically engaging in as limited levels of physical activity as felinely possible. You see, humans, when they get too hot, like to take a cold shower, or at least a lukewarm one, or a dip in the pool, if they’re lucky enough to have a pool. Cats, unfortunately, are not in the position to enjoy either. We don’t like the sensation of being submerged in water, whatever its temperature, and so the paddling pool Chase, our human’s husband, had recently splurged on and dragged home from the store, didn’t appeal to us to any extent.

Quite the contrary, in fact. The mere sight of that paddling pool filled me with a profound and deeply unsettling sense of primordial dread.

Once upon a time Odelia had had the bright idea to teach us how to swim, but it soon dawned on her this idea was fraught with certain flaws. Namely the fact that cats don’t like to come anywhere near the water. And also, who needs swimming? Cats aren’t fish. We don’t go about thrashing in the surf or some duck-infested pond. We are smart enough to steer well clear from such silly folly.

“I don’t know, Max,” my friend Dooley was saying. “Maybe weshould take that dip in the pool after all? Odelia keeps saying it’s the best way to cool off. And she does look very happy and refreshed, doesn’t she?”

We both darted a dubious glance in our human’s direction. Odelia was lazing about by the pool, sunglasses perched on her nose, a big floppy straw hat on top of her head, reading what is commonly termed a beach read, even though we weren’t on the beach but in our own backyard. She and Chase occupied a pair of pool loungers, taking turns keeping an eye on baby Grace. Chase, too, was sporting sunglasses, and was merely dressed in a pair of boxers and plenty of suntan lotion. And if we scan further down the line, Marge was also occupying a lounge chair, dressed in much the same minimal outfit as her daughter and son-in-law, as was her husband Tex and even Gran, who usually isn’t one for being exposed to the rays of the sun, since she claims every discerning adult knows that our good old friend the sun’s rays are lethal when administered in ample doses.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I said. Though the water did appear to have a cooling effect on our humans, as each time they got too hot for comfort, they took turns to frolic in their paddling pool, then returned to their position on their respective loungers to become engrossed in their respective beach reads.

The paddling pool was pretty impressive. It wasn’t one of those small kiddie pools, as had been Chase’s preference in previous years. This time the entire family had pooled their resources and acquired a sturdy specimen that stood five feet tall and ten feet wide and took up a pretty big chunk of backyard real estate. It was constructed of sterner stuff, not the squishy plastic that makes a funny noise when you lean into it. It had taken the concerted efforts of Chase, Tex and Uncle Alec to erect the monstrosity, much against the cat contingent’s protestations, since frankly we all thought the contraption an eyesore of the first order. And dangerous, to boot.

“The ladder is a neat addition,” Harriet remarked. Our prissy Persian friend was the least impressed by the addition to the backyard furniture. Then again, when you have fur as gorgeous as a Persian, the last thing you want is for it to get wet. Water does funny things to fur, and Harriet did not want to be the object of ridicule by being exposed to the noxious substance.

“It’s a death trap if you ask me,” said her mate Brutus. The black cat had been eyeing the pool with a weary eye from the moment it had arrived. “And what are they going to do with all that water once the weather turns? There’s enough water in there to irrigate a small field. Can you imagine what will happen when they let all that water drain into our backyard? It’s going to create a tidal wave of biblical proportions. We’re all going to be swept away if we’re not careful!”

“I don’t think we’ll be swept away,” said Harriet, “but I have to admit that the thought of all that water barely being contained by that flimsy plastic is giving me nightmares, snookums. It only takes one crack for disaster to strike.”

“I think the paddling pool is the most dangerous invention known to man,” Brutus grunted, and placed his head on his front paws, without taking his eyes off the thing for even a single second. “More dangerous even than the atom bomb.”

“Do you think it’s dangerous, Max?” asked Dooley, a note of concern in his voice.

“I don’t know, Dooley. But I’m definitely not going anywhere near the thing, that’s for sure.”