Frog

But what if you hadn’t intercepted his letters, Gugu? Is it possible that Little Lion would have been moved by what he wrote? Maybe even be married to him by now?

Impossible, absolutely impossible. She has lofty ambitions, and Wang Gan isn’t the only one who’s been smitten by her in recent years. There have been a dozen at least, including cadres and workers, but none has impressed her.

I shook my head. But, I said sceptically, she’s not really very good—

Hah! Gugu replied. How short-sighted can you be! Some women look good at first glance, but the more you look, the more flaws you see. What about Little Lion? At first glance you’d think she isn’t much to look at, but look long enough and you’ll see just how attractive she is. You’ve probably never taken the time to do that, have you? I’ve spent my whole life around women, and I know exactly what makes a woman a prized creature. Do you recall the time you were just promoted to cadre status, how I tried to get you and her together? But you’d fallen for Renmei, and even though I opposed the match, given the freedom to marry whom one pleases in the new society, as your aunt I had no choice but to go along. Now, of course, she’s left a void — don’t get me wrong, I’m not happy she died and wish she’d had a long life — as the heavens have willed it, and the heavens have also willed that you and Little Lion be together.

Gugu, I said, no matter what you say, Wang Gan and I were childhood friends, and everyone — adults and children — knows how he feels. If I were to marry Little Lion, I’d drown under the spittle the masses would send my way.

You’re wrong again, she said. His love for her is a one-sided affair, like a barber’s carrying pole — only the pail on one end is hot. Little Lion never once expressed any interest in him. If she married you, it would be a case of ‘the firebird knows which perch to choose’. Besides, this thing called love has nothing to do with loyalty among friends. Love is selfish. If Little Lion were a horse that Wang Gan had his eye on, then you could let him have her, no problem there. But Little Lion is a human being, and if you fall in love with her, you’ll have to take her for your own. You’ve been out in the world for several years and have seen many foreign movies, so how can you be so inflexible?

Even if I said I’d do it, what would she—

Gugu interrupted me: You don’t have to worry about that. She’s been with me so long I know what she’s thinking. I’ll tell you the unvarnished truth: It’s you she’s in love with, and if Renmei hadn’t left us, Little Lion would stay single all her life.

Let me think this over for a few days, Gugu, I said. The dirt on Renmei’s grave is still damp.

Think what over? A long night brings many dreams. If Renmei’s spirit is up there somewhere, she’ll be clapping her hands in approval. Why? Because Little Lion is a good woman, and it would be Renmei’s good fortune for her daughter to have such a stepmother. Not only that, government policy would allow you and Little Lion to have a child, and I’d be wishing for twins. Xiaopao; you will have benefited greatly from misfortune.

5

The date for my wedding was set.

Gugu took care of the arrangements. I felt like a floating piece of rotting wood kept moving by gentle nudges.

Little Lion and I were alone together for only the second time when we registered to be married at the commune office.

Our first private meeting had been in the dormitory room shared by Gugu and Little Lion. It had been a Saturday morning. Gugu ushered us into the room and left, shutting the door behind her. A pile of dust-covered newspapers and a couple of books on obstetrics sat atop a three-drawer table between the two single beds. Bees swarmed around a dozen or so sturdy, pollen-laden sunflowers just outside the window. After pouring me a glass of water, she sat on her bed. I sat on Gugu’s bed. The air carried the fragrance of hand soap. Soapy water half filled a Red Lantern washbasin. Gugu’s unmade bed was an impossible mess.

Gugu is totally devoted to her work.

I know.

I feel like I’m dreaming.

Me too.

You know all about Wang Gan, don’t you? He’s written to you five hundred times.

Gugu told me.

Any thoughts about that?

Not really.

I’ve been married before and I have a daughter. Does that bother you?

No.

Do you want to talk this over with your family?

I have no family.