Funny Children's Stories. Bilingual Edition

Our neighbors, who rented a room in the same house, also received a letter. They brought it out into the backyard and read it to everyone. And everyone listened because there was a lot about the weather and what was being sold in the stores.

And the neighbors said that they were going to reply about everything that can be bought in the stores in Ukraine and how cheap everything was.

The next day, we received a telegram informing us about a long distance phone call. It was Dad, who placed an order for this call. And Mom said that it was very convenient to be able to send a telegram. Because a letter could have come after we had already left Ukraine. But a telegram came the next day.

And I already knew that mail delivery might take a long time.

Once I heard Mom’s brother and Dad complain to each other that it took too long to receive letters. And Mom’s brother said that people should not write letters that were interesting for everyone to read. And I asked who was reading these letters. And Mom’s brother replied that some day, he would tell me all about it. In a few years. After I grew up a little[12].

And so, on Saturday morning, Mom and I took a bus to the telephone station in the nearby town. We waited there until one o’clock to be connected with Dad.

As soon as we were connected, Mom began to speak with Dad. She was so happy to be speaking with Dad that she began to cry. And I was very surprised that she was crying. And after they talked for a bit, Mom passed me the phone.

I said “Dad?” into the receiver and heard Dad’s voice. And I also felt like crying. But I was afraid that Mom would notice, so I was only listening to what Dad was saying and did not reply. Or I just said shortly “yes” or “no.” And after a very short time, the telephone operator said that three minutes were up and we had to finish our conversation. I heard Dad asking the operator for two more minutes, and then he asked me to give the phone back to Mom.

When Mom finished talking to Dad, she asked me what Dad and I spoke about. But I did not remember what we talked about. I only remembered Dad asking me whether I could hear him okay. I could barely hear him, but I said, “Yes.”

And Dad asked me again whether I could hear him okay. I again said, “Yes.” After that, I did not hear anything until the telephone operator said that three minutes were up.

I also asked my mom what she spoke about with Dad. But Mom answered that she did not say what she wanted to say because the connection was bad. She could only remember Dad asking her about how we were living here and whether Mom could hear him okay or not.

Then I suggested that Mom order a long distance call with Dad. But Mom said that she would never do that.

“Because it’s too expensive?” I asked.

And then Mom said that not only because of that but because she did not want to scare Dad to death.

“Why should Dad be scared to death?” I asked.

And Mom explained that very often they delivered telegrams after midnight. “Wouldn’t you get scared if someone knocked on your door after midnight?” asked Mom[13].

And I replied that I would not get scared. But Mom said that I would not get scared because I was still too young.

By then, it was almost two o’clock. Mom went to find out when our bus would leave. When she came back, she said that it would leave at three-forty. She said it in Ukrainian, probably the same way it was said to her. It sounded very funny, but I understood her.

And Mom said that since we had to wait for nearly two hours, we might as well try and go to the restaurant that we saw earlier in the same building. “If, of course,” my mom added, “it’s not too expensive.”

A woman who spoke Russian met us at the restaurant’s entrance. She told Mom that nobody can take a child into the restaurant. And Mom asked, “Why can’t you take a child into the restaurant?” The woman replied, “Don’t you understand why? There are many drunks in the restaurant. They’re all cursing. Is it right for a child?” And so we left.

And Mom said that we would walk home then. Because walking home would take us no more than an hour and a half. Mom also said that it might easily be that a lot of people from the resort would be on the bus and there would be no place left for us to sit.

So we walked home. And the bus did not pass us. And Mom and I were very happy that the bus did not pass us.

As we were walking home, I asked Mom whether there were usually many drunks in Moscow restaurants. And Mom said that she had never in her life been in a restaurant, neither in Moscow nor in any other city. One time, she and my dad decided to go to a restaurant in Moscow, but the doorman did not even let them touch the door of the restaurant.

Mom said that only foreigners were allowed into Moscow’s restaurants. And I, of course, asked Mom, why they only allowed foreigners into Moscow’s restaurants. To that Mom said that I should stop asking questions because for such questions, we would end up in prison.