Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

It can get pretty confusing because your crush can become your boyfriend and a boyfriend should definitely be a crush. A guy friend can become a boyfriend or a crush and vice versa. So you see, all these friendships can overlap and get all tangled up to the point that you’re not really sure how to define the relationship. That’s okay, too. Nobody is going to give you a test on it. It’s just the lingo we’ll use in this book to try to keep us talking the same language.

Lots of girls have great guy friends. Sometimes it’s easier to talk with a guy friend than it is to talk with your girlfriends. Guys and girls have different points of view on the same question. Guys and girls think differently, too. Something a girl thinks is a huge deal may be hardly worth talking about for a guy, and vice versa. Your guy friends can help you understand the ways boys think (“Boys think?” you say? Contrary to popular belief, they do!) and help put some things in perspective for you. Both girlfriends and guy friends are valuable friends.

Nothing More Than Feelings

There’s a fairly goofy old-school song that goes, “Feelings . . . nothing more than feelings. . . .” Nothing more than feelings? Ha! It’s more like nothing more important than feelings!

Feelings will affect your friendships, your relationship with your parents, your interactions with teachers and your response to your siblings all day every day—especially while your brain is sending you those “Who am I?” messages. The tough thing about feelings is that they can grab hold of you with lightning speed even when it’s not a reasonable feeling based on truth. Based on truth? Here’s what that looks like:

A girl at school calls you a loser. Are you a loser? No, but you still feel insecure.

You get a bad grade on a test. Was the test unfair? No, but you still feel angry at your teacher.

A classmate makes fun of the car your mother drives. Is a minivan a perfectly good mode of transportation? Yes, but you still feel defensive.

Feelings aren’t bad, but the way we express feelings can be bad. Check your feelings against the truth of what’s happening. That first feeling that sweeps over you may change!

Agree to Disagree

Tolerance. It’s a word that gets tossed around a lot these days. Everyone has a right to her opinion, her own likes and dislikes, and her own ideas. Being tolerant of other people’s opinions doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them. Tolerance means you put up with things (opinions, beliefs, actions, appearances) that you may not agree with. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have opinions of your own or that you can’t argue your own opinion. It simply means you have to listen to the other side, be open to new ideas and agree to disagree if you don’t find common ground. Learning to agree to disagree is part of learning tolerance and respect.

Tolerance also means that people can behave, dress, speak and look different from you, but you learn to accept them for who they are, even if you don’t like what you see or hear (as long as they are not physically or emotionally hurting you).

All of our differences make up the diversity in the world. Tolerance is accepting the diversity and learning to appreciate it for making the world an interesting place. You’ve probably heard it before, but it’s worth saying again . . . if everyone in the world were the same, the world would be a very boring place! We are good at enjoying the things we have in common with our friends, but we have to learn to respect and appreciate our differences as well as our similarities.

You can respect someone’s opinion without agreeing with it. Learning respect and tolerance can be tough, but it’s important. It helps you keep the peace with people who are different from you. That’s how we can each contribute to peace on a larger scale—in our schools, in our cities, in our countries, even in the world. Not to be corny, but there’s a great song about it: “Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. . . .” It’s about tolerance and respect. These are good things to remember when you are building your Girl Power.

What Do You Do with Feelings?

Feelings are a big-time part of friendships. Friends can make us feel happy, comfortable, content and safe. But some friends can give us bad feelings by making us feel jealous, embarrassed, threatened or angry.