Gynecocracy

I was positively astonished and dismayed to find five or six men, in faultless evening costume, in the drawing room downstairs. I had no idea that there would be any strangers-men above all-to witness what I had to go through! Fortunately, my great confusion was interpreted as sweet and pretty bashfulness and ingenuousness. By degrees, I rather entered into the spirit of the joke, especially as Mademoiselle took an early opportunity of whispering into my ear that she would expose me and flay me alive unless I behaved myself. She then introduced one of the men as Lord Alfred Ridlington and myself as Miss Julia Robinson. He appeared to be good-naturedly amused at my fluttered demeanour and at once tried to set me at my ease. He succeeded to a very considerable extent, but there was something in his eyes which to my mind suggested that he was in the secret; an idea which kept bringing a succession of hot blushes to my cheeks and neck. The other men regarded me with ill-concealed looks of respectful and profound admiration. They were, it was plain, jealous of Lord Alfred Ridlington's good fortune and without any idea of the truth; but I could not rid myself of the notion that he had some inkling of it. The restraint of the bandage speedily became a subject of thankfulness; without it, some indication of what I began to feel would inevitably have made its appearance and have entirely destroyed the illusion.

Lord Alfred Ridlington took me down to dinner, and, of course, sat beside me. He took a proper solicitude in my welfare, exercising a watchful care over me such as I conceived to be the duty of a cavalier towards the maiden whom he had been deputed to look after. And I, for my part, comported myself as much after the fashion of a young lady as I possibly could. I was careful not to encourage him too much, and gave myself all a girl's airs and graces, her pretty fastidiousness, her little wilful ways and arch caprices. Maud, Agnes, and Beatrice were all too fully occupied with their own cavaliers to notice me much, or I doubt whether my assurance would have proved equal to the occasion.

Lord Alfred Ridlington himself aided me materially by the perpetual flow of small talk which he kept up unceasingly for my entertainment. It admirably served to cover any little confusion arising at odd moments when I felt slightly at a loss. I was hungry, in fact very hungry, but the wretched corset was so desperately tight that I was compelled to eat like a real young lady and dared not drink much.

I filled up the time by wondering where I had heard Lord Alfred Ridlington's name, which seemed familiar to me, and, at length, recollected it had been mentioned to me by Mademoiselle herself during my discussion with her in her boudoir that afternoon. She had threatened to hand me over to Lady Alfred Ridlington, whom she said was particularly fond of breaking in amorous youths. This, I thought, must be that lady's husband, and I immediately cast at him a glance expressing so much interest that he noticed it. Ignorant of its true motive he seemed much gratified by the look, and we thereupon became greater friends than ever. He was a very good-looking young man, fair, plump, with a beautiful mouth, teeth, ears, and hands, and rejoicing in an enormous expanse of snowy white shirt front, fastened with three brilliant diamond studs. I observed how white and unusually well-formed his neck was, and a certain softness, even effeminacy, about him and his air suggested the question as to whether he had ever been subjected to the same discipline that I was going through. I sadly reflected how bitterly disappointed he would certainly be if he ever discovered that I was a boy.

CHAPTER 12

The Conservatory

After dinner there was a carpet dance. One or two of the other men were at first my partners. How odd I felt, and how feminine! But I naturally enjoyed most those waltzes which I had with Lord Alfred. He waltzed capitally. After several turns, however, he suggested a stroll and a rest; and although I was sure Mademoiselle would notice our absence and was by no means so sure how she would take it, we soon found ourselves in a cosy and sequestered nook of the conservatory, where, seated close to me, he began to make hot love. His advances were delicate and insinuating. Aggression would at once have put me in arms. When he hoped he was not altogether disagreeable to me, what could I say? I could not be rude. But my unprotected position, the knowledge that I could not respond, which grew upon me with increasing intensity, filled me before long with a feeling approaching dismay, and I positively longed for a chaperon.

I had never been in such a fix before. I liked being made love to; but when he discovered that I was a fraud! Confound Mademoiselle and all her ways!

What on earth to do-whether to confess what I was, say I could not help it, and rely on his honour not to tell — I did not know.