Читаем Испалец в колесе (сборник на русском и английском) полностью

Испалец в колесе (сборник на русском и английском)

СВ. — Бывали ли Вы когда-нибудь в Брайтоне, Дорогой Ватруба?

М-р В. — Враз только што оттудова, мой лубезный крестьянский вдруг, и, как видишь, не запылилси.

(Оба поднимаются со стеклянным взором и, обнявшись, выходят из студии налево, доказывая, что каковы труды, таковы и плоды.)

(ЗАТЕМНЕНИЕ. НА ЭКРАНЕ ПОЯВЛЯЮТСЯ ПРИЛИЧЕСТВУЮЩИЕ СЛУЧАЮ ХРИСТАНСКИЕ ТИТРЫ.)

Конец

I believe, boot…

Aman came up to me the other day and said — «Tell me vicar — tell me the deafinition of sin?» — and you know, I couIdn't answer him! Which makes me think — do you ever wonder (and what do we mean by the word wonder?) what an ordinary man (and what — I ask myself do we mean by an ordinary man?) who works in office or factory — goes to church ont Sunday (what exactly do we mean by Sunday?) who is also a sinner (we are all sinners). People are always coming up to me and asking — «Why, if Griff is so good anb almighty — why does he bring such misery into the worId?» — and I can truthfully say St.Alf — ch 8 verse 5 — page 9. «Griff walks in such mysterious ways His woodwork to perform» (what do we mean by perform?) Which leads me neatly, I feel, to our next guest for tonight. A man whom is stickle trodding the pathway to our beloveb Griff — slowly but slowly I am here to help with the bridges he must surely cross. — «Welcome to our studios tonight Mr Wabooba (a foreigner)»

Mr W. Hellow you Rev boy.

Rev. Well! Mr Wobooba — may I call you Wog? What is the basic problem you are facing? (He smiles)

Mr W. You! white trash christian boy. (He also smiles)

Rev. Hmn! can you hallucinate? (He colours)

Mr W. I can. (Colouring too)

Rev. Well? (He smiles)

Mr W. Wot ah want to know man — is why almighty Griff continooally insists on straiking ma fellow blackpool inde fayse?

Rev. A man travelling on a train — like you or I — to Scotland, had two or two bad eggs in his pocket — and you know — no one would sit by him.

Mr W. But ah dont see dat yo' christship. Ah mean, ah don't see de relevence.

Rev. Well, Wabooba — let me put it this way. In Griff's eye, we are all a bunch of bananas — swaying in the breeze — waiting as it were, Wabooba — to be peeled by His great and understanding love — some of them fall on stonycroft — and some fall on the waistcoat.

Mr W. Well yo' worship, ah says dat if de Griff don't laike de peoples in de world starfing an' all dat c'n you tell me why dat de Pope have all dem rich robesan' jewelry an big house to live — when ma people could fit too tousand or mo' in dat Vatican Hall — and also de Arch bitter of Canterbubble — him too!

Rev. Ai don't think that the Arch bishoff would like to live in the Vatican with that many people Mr Wabooba — besides he's C. of E.

Mr W. Ah don't mean dat you white trash christmas imperialist!

Rev. No one has ever called ME an imperialist before, Mr Wabooba. (He smiles)

Mr W. Well ah have. (Smiling too)

Rev. You certainly have Mr Wabooba. (He turns other chin and leans forward slowly looking at Mr Wabooba rather hard. Mr Wabooba leans forward rather more quickly and they both kiss.)

Mr W. Ah forgive you in de name of Fatty Waller de great savious of ma people. (He smiles)

Rev. Ai too am capable of compassion dear Wabooba — and in the name of the Father, Sock and Micky Most, I forgive you sweet brother.

(With that they clasp each other,in a brotherly way as if forgetting they are still on camera.)

Rev. Have you ever been to Brighton dear Watooba?

Mr W. Ah jes' got back sweet christian friend non de worse for wearing.

(They get up glassy eyed and linking arms slowly walk out of the studio to the very left proving that arbitration is one answer to de prodlem.)

FADE OUT ON SUITABLE CHRISTIAN CAPTIONS