J R

— Nothing just, just the same things papers, old letters scores piano rolls wait… he came after her, after the mounting insinuation of her thighs’ rise, rest, and rise in the ravening ease of her climb caught that suddenly off balance where she stopped half turned on the landing and he caught at the rail, at her waist where he’d run head on and a hand of hers caught his with the beer can and steadied him, held him off there with no way to know if her glance had missed the knotted length of rubber stretched like a dead thing on the stair. — Wait! wait if, if somebody’s up there… he stooped to snatch the thing up and force it into the beer can’s cleft crowding her on, — if they just did it…

— Did what Edward, if who…

— No no broke in I mean if, if they just broke in and they’re still up here, hiding…

— Don’t be silly there’s no one… she paused at the top, thrust aside with her foot a packet of letters tied with a shoelace to push the door opening off the balcony, — it would be hopeless wouldn’t it…

— No what’s, what…

— All these papers, to start looking for any they need for this estate in all this… she passed through without pausing her glance at the bed’s faded coverlet ripped half to the floor, turning up to the skylight — do you sleep up here too?

— Too…? the can quivered at her back, — sometimes yes I, all the times I’ve tried to imagine what it would be like but I, it’s still like you’re not really here all the times I’ve been working when I’ve thought about you when I, even when I try not to I do Stella what you saw on the piano down there in the dark of, those lines I even thought I’d play that how she turned her, her bosom shaken with a sudden storm of sighs…

— Edward… her turn that close dropped his eyes to the sighing fall of her breast against his wrist there, — I don’t…

— All the spirit deeply dawning in the, the dark of hazel eyes that’s why I, what I’ve always remembered your eyes when you smiled I’ve always remembered your smile but your, how sad your eyes are when you smile that’s why I, what I’m working on that’s why it’s…

— You’ll let me hear it won’t you, when it’s finished? She brushed past him for the door where the strings rose again, gaily framing an empty trap in the eaves beyond, — it sounds charming…

— Charming is that all you, old-fashioned is that what you mean old-fashioned? Is…

— Oh a bit perhaps, but…

— It doesn’t matter no I just said you wouldn’t understand anyhow if you couldn’t even…

— But I’ve never heard it, how could…

— I said it doesn’t matter! he plunged after her jamming the bubbled knot into the beer can as she gained the stairs, — that’s why you laughed isn’t it why you’re laughing at me you’re not even laughing, you…

— Edward please, you’re not being…

— What I’m not being what, I said you wouldn’t understand it anyhow that’s why I, what it’s about that’s what this is about if you’ll listen…

— I can’t stay now Edward, my…

— Why not because you don’t want to hear it, because that’s what it’s about that, when you married that…

— But… she paused as he broke from the foot of the stairs behind her — you, you’ve never met him Edward, what ever could have given you the…

— What given me the what I, those summers when we…

— But Edward really what ever could have given you the idea that I…

— Why couldn’t it! he came on as the strings sounded now in gashes from the eaves above them — that’s why you, why you’re smiling you just smiled it’s not even a smile it’s just, that last summer once when we all went swimming up on the mountain that stream with the deep pool where we, where you went to the one above it you went up there alone to wash your hair I thought you’d just, I came up to bring you something a towel or something you were taking off your bathing suit and I, I can still, that night I couldn’t sleep that night and I can still…

— But, is that all? Above them the strings withdrew for a long-due trouncing by the solo, filling the space around her with the presence of empty sound. — And Edward after all, you’ve grown up since then haven’t you and…

— There! you, there it’s not even a smile no you let people try to do something they can’t you know all the time they can’t you let them try anyhow you just watch and, and then when it’s too late and you smile that sad smile and it’s still in your eyes that you knew all the time that’s why it’s wait, wait where…

— My cab’s out there Edward, I…

— Your what? what’s…

— My cab, I called a cab for the next train and it’s…

— Cab you didn’t tell me you called a cab wait…

— I can’t, really…