Journey

“I think we need to renegotiate this living arrangement of yours. I don't think it's fair for you to live with Lizzie in a one-bedroom apartment. Besides, I'm going to miss you.” She had actually thought of getting an apartment of her own, for the same reason she didn't want to go to Vermont for the holiday. She didn't want him to feel put upon. She was very sensitive to that. But he sounded almost insulted that she had moved out and moved in with Lizzie.

“Well, considering the size of my wardrobe at the moment,” she laughed ruefully, “it's a decision I can change in about five minutes.”

“Good. I want you to move back in when I come home. It's time, Maddy” he said gently. “We've both had enough rough, lonely times. Let's start a new life together.” She wasn't sure exactly what that meant, and she was embarrassed to ask him. But they had plenty of time to figure it out. The next morning was Christmas Eve, and they all had a lot to do, although she no longer had a job to worry about, and she was planning to turn her full attention to Lizzie.

They went out and bought a tree the next day, and decorated it together. It was a far cry from her grim holidays with Jack, trapped in the house in Virginia, while he ignored the holiday and forced her to ignore it with him. If anything, this was the happiest Christmas in her life, although she still had a certain amount of regret about Jack, and how sour it had turned. But she reminded herself regularly that she was better off without him. And when the good memories washed over her, she canceled them out with the bad ones, of which there were far too many. But what she knew most of all was how lucky she was to have Bill in her life, and Lizzie.

And at two o'clock that afternoon, on Christmas Eve, she got the call she'd been waiting for, and had no idea when to expect. They had told her it could take weeks, or even as much as a month, so she had put it out of her mind, and was concentrating on enjoying Lizzie for the moment.

“He's ready, Mom,” a familiar voice said over the phone. It was the social worker who was helping her with Andy's adoption. “You've got a little boy here who wants to come home to his mom for Christmas.”

“Do you mean it? Can I have him now?” She looked at Lizzie and waved frantically, but Lizzie had no idea what she was doing and just laughed at her.

“He's all yours. The judge signed the papers this morning. He thought it might mean a lot to you on Christmas. It's a great way to spend the holiday with a new baby.”

“Where is he?”

“Right here in my office. The foster parents just dropped him off. You can pick him up anytime this afternoon, but I'd like to get home to my own kids.”

“I'll be there in twenty minutes,” Maddy said, and hung up, and told Lizzie what had happened. “Will you come with me?” she asked her, suddenly feeling very nervous. She had never taken care of a baby. This was all going to be new to her, and she hadn't bought anything for him. She hadn't wanted to count her chickens before they hatched, so to speak, and she had somehow thought they'd give her more notice than this.

“We'll go buy some stuff after we pick him up,” Lizzie said sensibly. She had baby-sat for kids in all her foster homes, and she knew a lot more than her mother about babies and their needs.

“I don't even know what to get … diapers, formula, I guess … rattles … toys … stuff like that, right?” Maddy felt about fourteen, and so excited she could hardly stand it, as she combed her hair and washed her face, put on her coat, grabbed her bag, and ran down the steps of their apartment with Lizzie.

And when they reached the social worker's office by cab, Andy was waiting for them in a white sweater and hat, and a pair of little blue terrycloth pajamas, and his foster parents had given him a little teddy bear as a Christmas present to take with him.

He was sleeping peacefully when Maddy looked down at him, and ever so gently she picked him up and held him. And there were tears in her eyes as she looked at Lizzie. She still had so much guilt and regret for never having been there for her. But Lizzie seemed to understand what she was feeling, and put an arm around her shoulders.

“It's okay, Mom … I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Maddy said, and kissed her, just as the baby woke up and started to cry, and Maddy put him carefully on her shoulder, and he looked around as though looking for a familiar face and cried harder.