Klara and the Sun

My fear of not reaching Mr McBain’s barn in time caused me to give only a brief glance at Rick’s house as I passed it, and then I was further along the informal trail, beyond any point I’d been. I went through another picture frame gate, then the grass became too tall to see the barn any more. The field became partitioned into boxes, some larger than others, and I pressed on, conscious of the contrasting atmospheres between one box and another. One moment the grass would be soft and yielding, the ground easy to tread; then I’d cross a boundary and everything would darken, the grass would resist my pushes, and there would be strange noises around me, making me fearful that I’d made a serious miscalculation, that there was no justifiable reason to disturb his privacy in the manner I was hoping to do, that my efforts would have gravely negative consequences for Josie. While crossing one particularly unkind box, I heard around me the cries of an animal in pain, and a picture came into my mind of Rosa, sitting on the rough ground somewhere outdoors, little pieces of metal scattered around her, as she reached out both hands to grasp one of her legs stretched out stiffly before her. The image was in my mind for only a second, but the animal carried on making its noise, and I felt the ground collapsing beneath me. I remembered the terrible bull on the walk up to Morgan’s Falls, and how in all probability it had emerged from beneath the ground, and for a brief moment, I even thought the Sun wasn’t kind at all, and this was the true reason for Josie’s worsening condition. Even in this confusion, I was convinced that if I could only pull myself through into a kinder box, I’d become safe. I’d also been aware of a voice calling to me, and I now spotted an object — shaped like one of the overhaul men’s traffic cones — placed in the grass a little ahead of me. The voice was coming from behind this cone, and when I tried to move towards it, I realized it was in fact two cones, one inserted into the other, allowing the higher one to perform a rocking motion, perhaps to draw the attention of passers-by.

‘Klara! Come on! Over here!’

I came closer, then realized these weren’t cones at all, but Rick, holding back the grass with one hand and reaching the other towards me. Now that I’d recognized him, I had even more incentive to move towards him, but my feet sank further, and I knew if I attempted another step I’d lose balance and fall deep into the ground. I knew too that despite Rick appearing to be within touching distance, he was not in reality so near because of the fierce border separating our boxes. Even so, he continued to reach out towards me, and where his arm crossed into my box, it appeared elongated and bent.

‘Klara, come on!’

But I’d accepted now that I would soon fall into the ground, that the Sun was angry with me, and perhaps unkind, and that Josie was disappointed with me. I began to lose orientation, even as Rick’s arm grew longer and more crooked till it touched me. It stopped me falling, and my feet steadied a little.

‘Okay, Klara. This way.’

He was guiding — almost carrying — me across, and then I was in a kind box, the Sun’s generous pattern over me, and my thoughts found order once more.

‘Thank you. Thank you for coming to help.’

‘I saw you from my window. Are you okay?’

‘Yes, everything is fine again. The field posed more problems than I expected.’

‘I suppose these little ditches can get tricky. I have to say, from up there, you looked like one of those flies that buzz around blindly on the window pane. But that’s unkind, I’m sorry.’

I smiled and said: ‘I feel so foolish.’ Then remembering, I looked up to check the Sun’s position. ‘This journey is so important,’ I said, looking at him again. ‘But I estimated incorrectly and now I won’t get there in time.’

The grass was still too high to see Mr McBain’s barn in the distance, but Rick was looking straight in its direction, a hand shielding his eyes, and it occurred to me he was tall enough to see it.

‘I should have left the house earlier,’ I said, ‘regardless of the awkwardness when I returned. But I was waiting till Josie fell asleep, and to allow Melania Housekeeper to believe I was going on another errand to Rick’s house. I thought there’d be sufficient time, but the fields were more complex than I’d imagined.’

Rick was still looking towards Mr McBain’s barn. ‘You keep saying you won’t get there in time,’ he said. ‘But when exactly did you want to be there?’

‘Just as the Sun is arriving at Mr McBain’s barn. But before he disappears for his rest.’

‘Look, I don’t understand any of this. And I appreciate you can’t let me in on it for whatever reason. But if you want, I’ll take you there.’

‘That’s very kind. But even with Rick guiding, I believe it’s now too late.’

‘I wouldn’t guide you. I’ll carry you. Piggyback. We’ve got a way to go yet, but if we hurry, I think we can make it.’

‘You’d do that?’