Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 18 Who Said Cheese

The sharp edge of her voice was disturbing the Siamese on the fireplace cube; they were getting restless. Carol too may have reacted to the tension in the air and Danielle's sultry glances beamed in Qwilleran's direction. She said, "Qwill,

I've been meaning to ask you: How's Polly?" She turned to the Carmichaels. "Polly Duncan is a very charming woman whom you'll meet eventually - head of the Pickax Public Library. Right now she's recovering from surgery.... How soon will she be back in circulation, Qwill?"

"Very soon. I'm taking her for a walk every day."

"Take her to the Scottish Bakery for afternoon tea.

She'll love the scones and cucumber sandwiches."

There was increased activity on top of the fireplace cube. Koko stood up and stretched in a tall hairpin curve, then swooped down onto the Moroccan rug that defined the lounge area. Yum Yum followed, and while she checked the banker's feet for shoelaces, Koko walked slowly toward Danielle with subtle intent. She was sitting with her attractive knees crossed, and Koko started sniffing her high-heeled pumps as if she had a nasty foot disease or had stepped in something unpleasant. He wrinkled his nose and bared his fangs.

"Excuse me a moment," Qwilleran said, and grabbed both cats, banishing them to the broom closet, the only suitable detention center on the main floor.

When he returned to the group, Larry said, "We have something we'd like to discuss with you, Qwill. The recent financial disaster in Sawdust City is going to leave hundreds of families and retirees with no hope of a Christmas, and the Country Club is undertaking to buy food, toys, and clothing for them. We're planning a benefit cheese-tasting; you've probably heard about it. Sip'n'Nibble will supply the cheese and punch at cost, and Jerry and Jack will sort of cater the affair."

A yowl came from the broom closet as Koko heard a familiar word.

"We were wondering how much to charge for tickets, when our new financial wizard came up with an idea. You explain it, Willard."

"It doesn't take a wizard to figure it out," the banker said. "The lower the ticket price, the more tickets you sell - and the more cheese the purchasers consume. You're better off to charge a higher price and attract fewer people. Your revenue remains the same, but your costs are lower. After all, you're doing this to raise money for charity - not to serve a lot of cheese."

Another round of yowls came from the broom closet. Larry said, "We were planning to hold the event at the community hall until my dear wife came up with another idea. Tell him, Carol."

"Okay, it's like this. We could charge even more for tickets if we had the cheese-tasting in a really glamorous place. There are people in Moose County who'd give an arm and a leg to see this barn - especially in the evening when the lights are on. It's enchanting."

"You could ask one hundred dollars a ticket," the banker suggested.

It crossed Qwilleran's mind that the K Fund could write a check to finance all the Christmas charities, but it was healthier for the community to be involved. He said, "Why not charge two hundred dollars and limit the number of guests? The higher the price and the smaller the guest list, the more exclusive the event becomes." And, he mused, the less wear and tear on the white rugs.

"In that case," said Willard, "why not make it black tie and increase the price to three hundred?"

"And in that case," Larry said, "we would have two punch bowls, one of them spiked."

There were sounds of thumping and banging in the broom closet and an attention-getting crash.

"We'd better say goodbye," Carol said, "so the delinquents can get out of jail."

Qwilleran was heartily thanked for his hospitality and his generosity in offering the use of the barn. "My pleasure," he mumbled.

Larry pulled him aside as they walked to the parking area and said, "The Chamber of Commerce has formed an ad hoc committee to inquire into the future of the hotel. We can't afford to have a major downtown building looking like a slum. Not only that, but the city needs decent lodging. The owner is in the hospital, possibly on his death bed. His management firm in Lockmaster is suspect - as to capability and, let's face it, honesty. The committee will go to Chicago to petition the K Fund to buy the hotel, either from the owner or from his estate. I hope you approve."

"Excellent idea!" Qwilleran said. "But when it comes to renovating the interior, we don't want any Chicago decorators coming up here and telling us what to do."

All his guests had parting words. Carol whispered, "Koko's shoe-sniffing act was a riot!"... The banker said, "Let's have lunch, Qwill."... The banker's wife said, "I love your moustache!"