Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 18 Who Said Cheese

After a while Polly said, "I've missed Koko and Yum Yum."

"They've missed you, too... So have I."

"Are you still reading Aristophanes to them?"

"Yes, we're reading The Frogs. Their favorite line is Brekekekex ko-ax ko-ax."

"I imagine you read it with amphibian authority," she said.

"Thank you. I did the play in college and still remember some of my lines. The translation we used then was more poetic than the one I'm reading now, but not as humorous. In the comic scene where what's-his-name keeps saying Lost his smelling salts, my present translation reads Lost his bottle of oil, which somehow seems funnier to me. Don't ask why."

"For the same reason that a plate of sardines is funnier than a slice of bread," she said. "A donkey is funny; a horse is not. Pants are funny; shoes are not."

A large gray cat walked solemnly across the terrace, and Qwilleran said loudly, "Brekekekex ko-ax ko-ax."

Other guests looked inquiringly in his direction, but the cat kept walking.

"He doesn't understand frogspeak," Qwilleran said.

"He's hearing-impaired," Polly suggested.

"He's missing a few whiskers."

In the dining room she said she would have an amusing piece of trout. Qwilleran decided on a serious steak.

Then she asked, "Did you ever find out who surrendered Iris Cobb's cookbook?"

"No one has confessed," he replied truthfully but evasively, protecting Madame Fetter's reputation as well as Celia's cover.

"It surprised me that Aubrey Scotten's statement to the court was printed verbatim in the Something."

"Possibly the editors wanted to cool the gossip."

"Why did the bees attack the man? Was it the foul odor?"

"Who knows?" Qwilleran said with a shrug. "Bees are sensitive and intuitive creatures-and even more mysterious than cats."

"Everyone is hoping Aubrey will go back into the honey business."

"He will," Qwilleran said. "I understand his hives have been moved to his mother's farm, and he's found a new swarm of wild honeybees. He'll continue to work at the turkey farm. His mother will feed him well and cut his hair. Aubrey will be all right... Too bad Limburger didn't leave him the Bible and the cuckoo clock."

"We were shocked to hear he had a daughter in Germany. What will she do with the hotel?"

"The K Fund is negotiating with the estate for the purchase of the hotel and the house, which will make a good country inn. If the Scottens agree to sell the cabin, the inn property will extend to the river, where the bass-fishing is said to be the best anywhere around."

Accompanying the entrees were tiny brussels sprouts with caraway; spinach and toasted almonds in phyllo pastry; and an herb-flavored souffl‚, which Qwilleran pronounced excellent.

"Of course, you know it's turnip," Polly informed him.

"Well, they've done something to it - something underhanded," he said grudgingly. "Do you remember my recent anti-turnip column? I took a lot of flak from readers who are turnip freaks, and someone mailed a large box to me at the office. There was no return address, so the police were notified. There's a way of defusing a bomb with a firehose, you know, so that's what they did. It turned out to be a ten-pound turnip, largest ever grown in Moose County."

The salad course was Bibb lettuce with lemon zest dressing and toasted sesame seeds, garnished with a sliver of Brie.

"Don't eat your cheese," Qwilleran instructed Polly. "It's double-cream. I'll relieve you of it."

"That's so thoughtful of you, dear," she said. "By the way, I saw the video of the cheese party, and the catchase is hilarious! What caused Koko' s catfit?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." He wanted to tell her about the handgun in the turkey, but there were topics he never discussed with his two best friends. Both Polly and Arch Riker discouraged him from "getting involved" in matters that were police business and not his. There were long hours spent with Polly when Qwilleran had to hold his tongue. Neither could he reveal Koko's uncanny ability to sense wrong-doing and sniff out wrongdoers. The practical librarian looked at him askance, and the cynical publisher suggested he was cracking up.

Over dessert (poached pears stuffed with currants and pistachios and served with cherry coulis), Polly mentioned a subject that emphasized Qwilleran's predicament.

"Lisa Compton is spearheading a program to help battered women," she said. "Apparently there is a great deal of abuse going unreported in Moose County. Remember the wild rumors circulating about the mystery woman? No one dreamed she was a victim, being stalked and threatened by an ex-husband."