Lone eagle

“What are you talking about?” He was making no sense to her, but it all made perfect sense to him now.

“I'm talking about that rotten little bastard you were married to. I don't even know how to tell you what he did, or what a fool I was.” He felt even guiltier now for believing him. But he understood perfectly what Andy had done, and why. He had played right into every one of Joe's old fears. And Joe felt sick thinking about how he had taken the bait and the line. It had cost them both another two years of wasted time.

“Are you saying that Andy told you I tried to kill myself?” She stared at Joe in disbelief. “And you believed him?” She looked amazed as well as hurt.

“I think we were all a little crazy then. It was right after you told him you wanted a divorce, and he was refusing to let you go. You came to the office to tell me he wouldn't agree to the divorce, and the next day, he showed up. And I hate to admit it to you, but he played me like a harp. He told me how desperate and insecure you were, and how unstable, that you'd tried to kill yourself when we broke up before, and he got me so panicked that I was afraid I'd drive you to it again if I ever did anything wrong or hurt you again. He told me you were seeing a psychiatrist several times a week, and I started to think that if you felt abandoned at any point, you might do it again. I wasn't willing to take the risk.” And he had also been terrified of everything Andy had described to him, including her terrors of being left, and wanting more kids.

“Why didn't you ask me?” Kate stared at him in utter astonishment at everything he'd just said.

“I didn't want to upset you more than you were, and push you over the edge. But I see what he did now, that bastard. He played me perfectly. He knew how guilty I'd feel thinking you had tried to kill yourself over me once before, and how panicked I'd be that you might do it again.” She could see it all now too, and it made her hate Andy more than she ever had before. He had used everything she'd ever said to him to manipulate Joe. It had been an incredibly cruel thing to do, although she knew Andy had been fighting for his life then, and trying to preserve their family. But it was Andy who had driven Joe away. It was something she knew she'd never forgive him for. He had nearly cost her her happiness with Joe. It was a miracle that they had found each other again. “He made it sound so real, all of it. I was too upset myself at that point to question it, or be suspicious of him. What he was describing was something I knew I couldn't take on. I felt guilty for months after that, just thinking about it.”

“How could he do a thing like that?” And then as she thought about it, she realized that there was more that he must have said, which might have given added credibility to the lies he told. It was the one thing she had never told Joe, and she wondered now if he knew. She sat very still as she looked up at him, and all she could see was the love in his eyes. “Did he tell you about my father too?” She hated talking about it, and never had before. But there was nothing she couldn't say to Joe. She knew she was safe with him.

“Clarke told me about that before I asked you to marry me in Cape Cod. He thought I should know,” Joe said gently as he took her hand in his own, and pulled her close to him. “I'm sorry, Kate. That must have been awful for you.”

“It was,” she said, with tears in her eyes. “I remember that day so perfectly…. I remember everything about it…. The funny thing is I don't remember much about him. I should, but I just don't. I was eight when he died, but he pulled away from everyone two years before that.” She looked sad as she spoke of it. It had been the greatest trauma in her life, other than losing Joe. “It must have been so awful for my mother too, but she never talks about him. Sometimes I wish she would. There's so little I know about him, except that Clarke says he was a nice man.”

“I'm sure he was.” He could see in her eyes how painful it still was for her. It was the root and core of all her fears, fears of loss and grief and abandonment. Unwittingly, her father had caused her so much pain. But she was happy and at peace with Joe. She had found a safe harbor at last.

“I'm glad you know,” she said quietly. It was the only secret she had ever kept from him.