Midsummer's Eve

"Yes, I know. One goes on for years expecting nothing to change and then suddenly it does ... drastically. Come into the cottage. We're making it quite a pleasant place, Kitty and I. I brought her with me from London. She is out at the moment.

I expect she is at Cador. She gets on very well with the maids there and Mrs. Penlock graciously allows her to visit the kitchen.”

Rolf looked round the little sitting room.

"Very pleasant," he said and looked at me sadly. "My dear Annora, what you have gone through! I wish ...”

I looked at him appealingly. I wanted him to hold me tightly. I wanted to say: This time, Rolf, I would not run away. I want to say I'm sorry. I was so foolish. I just couldn't believe you weren't there that night ... and now I simply don't care if you were. He said: "It was brave of you to come back.”

"One has to go on living. The people here ... they talk all the time about the change at Cador.”

"It's a tragedy. They are ruining the place. I can't understand it. Tregern knows a good deal about management. He always worked well for me. I never quite trusted him, but he was a shrewd manager.”

"Why didn't you trust him?”

"I imagined he was not strictly honest. I think certain sums may have found their way into his pocket.”

"Didn't you tax him with it?”

"I had to have something I could prove first. And he really did a very good job.

It was just vague suspicions.”

"What do you think he is doing now?”

"I'm not sure. I know he is raising mortgages on Cador. It seems as though he is short of money. Yet he is doing nothing in repairs. The place is running down at an alarming rate. I can only think it is due to his gambling.”

"I can't bear to think of it. My father was always so meticulous. Any sign of decay anywhere and he had it seen to at once.”

"It is the only way. There is something odd going on there.”

"And what of her ... Maria?”

"She is besotted by him, I hear. She was from the time they met. In a way they suit each other.”

"I was surprised when I heard she was married. For some time I thought it was to you.”

He stared at me incredulously.

"Well, I was told by a prospective Member of Parliament who had been here sounding out the population. He said she had married 'the chap from the Manor.' Naturally I thought of you.”

"Unnaturally," he said. "What were you thinking of, Annora?”

"I, er ... just thought you might have found her attractive ... and I always knew you had a special feeling for Cador.”

He looked at me in such puzzlement that I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I wanted to tell him about my doubts and misgivings which had started on that Midsummer's Ever. I wanted to say: Let's forget it forever.

It doesn't matter. Whatever happened then I would put aside, because I knew my only chance of being happy again was with him.

He was looking into the past too, I believed. Was he remembering that morning when I had ridden over to the Manor with a note for him? I could see now what a terrible hurt I had inflicted on him. I wondered whether he could ever forget or forgive it.

It was not for me to say, I am ready to take you, Rolf. It was for him to decide whether he wanted me after what I had done to him.

"Cador, yes," he was saying. "It always seemed to me the most wonderful place on Earth. When, as a boy, I rode over with my father, I always gasped at the first glimpse of those towers. I used to wish that I had been born there. I certainly wished it could be mine. But not in that way. Good Heavens, Annora, what an idea!”

"Are you still interested in antiquities?”

"Yes, as enthusiastic as ever. Old customs and that sort of thing. But I couldn't have married that woman for all the castles and stately homes in England.”

We laughed and I said: "Would you like some tea? Some coffee?”

"Some coffee, please.”

"I shall have to make it myself. But don't worry. I know how. I did quite a lot of cooking in the Mission which is run by Peterkin and his wife.”

"Oh yes. I've read about that place in the papers. Your uncle has given a great deal of support to it." He looked at me searchingly. "Such a lot of things happened in a short space of time. I feel I've been living in a backwater while you've been out in the world.”

He watched me while I made the coffee.

I said: "Most of what happened was not very pleasant, Rolf.”

He nodded.

"All that scandal with my uncle and the Cresswells. But it seemed nothing compared with what happened after.”

There was silence while I set out the cups on the tray.

"You have become domesticated," he said with a smile.

He carried the tray into the sitting room and I poured out the coffee.

"I learned from the newspapers about what was happening to you.

It seemed strange that it should be that way after ... Well, we had been pretty close, hadn't we?”

"Always ... until ...”

"Things change.”

"Rolf, I'm very sorry for what I did to you.”

"You did the right thing.”

I was aghast.