Midsummer's Eve

Helena was delighted. She liked Rolf very much. I think she was perhaps a little envious comparing her own marriage with my prospects. But her great comfort was Jonnie.

At least he had come out of all that had happened to her.

Slowly we made our way towards England.

We were docking at Southampton and were rather glad of this. It meant that we should go straight to Cador without calling in at London which would have been the natural thing to do if we had landed at Tilbury.

Helena was not really prepared to see her parents yet and I felt I lid not want to talk of my loss to them. I knew how upset Amaryllis would be at my mother's death, for the ties between them which had been made in the days of their childhood had never been broken. How moving it was to see Cador again and as I gazed at those | ancient towers I had to suppress my unhappiness. I had to keep I reminding myself that I had to make a new start. This great house [and everything that went with it was mine. I had a great responsibility towards a good many people therefore. I had to stop mourning. There would be so much to learn but, I reminded myself, I J should have Rolf to help me.

There was a warm but subdued welcome from the household. I Mrs. Penlock burst into tears. I gripped her hands and told her we had to go on. Several of the others wiped their eyes and Isaacs said in I a shaken voice: "We are glad you are home, Miss Cadorson.”

I thanked them as best I could and I know my voice shook. I had schooled myself for this for I knew how emotional it would be.

I said: "I intend that everything shall go on as before." They cast down their heads and I went on: "I will talk to you all in the morning.”

Jonnie was a great help. Faces brightened as they looked at him. He studied them all with curiosity and through her tears Mrs. Penlock exclaimed: "The little duck!”

So there I was back home, longing to be alone in my room and yet dreading it, for during that first night, memories would be as vividly with me as ever.

I have to put it all behind me, I kept telling myself. I have Rolf now. He will help me. Perhaps in time I can be happy again.

I rode round the estate the very next morning and called at several of the farms.

Mrs. Cherry had nine children now; she was larger than ever and still laughed at every sentence she uttered. Even when she referred to my loss, her laughter was not far off. It was a habit. And the Tregorrans were as mournful as I remembered.

"These be bad days, Miss Cadorson," said Jim Tregorran. Miss Cadorson, I noticed, not Miss Annora.

They seemed bewildered. I supposed it was difficult for them to think of me as their landlord.

The first days were difficult. People were embarrassed. They wanted to tell me, I knew, that they mourned the loss of my parents and brother deeply, but they did not know how to do so.

Perhaps if I could have spoken of the tragedy it would have been easier. But I could not bring myself to do it at first. Perhaps later, I thought.

I went down to town. I rode along the quay. They touched their caps to me. Jack Gort was weighing fish from his tubs; he said, "Good day to 'ee, Miss Cadorson. Glad to see 'ee back." He did not mention my family, but I saw the sympathy in his eyes.

Old Harry Gentle lifted his bleary eyes from the nets he was mending and said: "Welcome home, Miss Cadorson. Nice to see 'ee back.”

Jim Poldean who was cleaning his boat sprang on to the quay to take my hand and shake it. He did not say anything but his expression told me how sorry he was.

They all felt they wanted to convey their sympathy; they had respected my father; they had been fond of my mother and Jacco. But they did not know how to express their feelings in words and I was afraid to talk in case I broke down. Being home seemed to bring them so much nearer, to make me so much more aware of all I had lost.

And as I rode back I thought: These were the people who drove Mother Ginny to her death.

Which one among them had been wearing a grey robe?

And there it was back again and with it a fearful apprehension.

But he wasn't there, I kept telling myself. He was in Bodmin.

Soon he would be with me always. He would help me. I had been right about him when I was a little girl. I had thought he was wonderful then. Of course he was wonderful.

He was good and kind, clever and resourceful, the sort of man who was born to be a leader.

When the news broke that I was to be married to Rolf there was general approval.

"This be very right and proper," said Mrs. Penlock. '"Tain't natural for a woman to be the squire. If God had intended it He would have made women men.”

I thought that an odd sort of reasoning and I was glad that I could smile at it.

"Well then," said Isaacs, "I reckon Cador and Manor 'ull be one. That be spreading it a bit. Looks like nearly all the Duchy 'ull be Cador-Manor land.”

That amused everyone very much.

I wished I could go quietly into the kitchen as I used to and listen to their talk when they forgot I was there.