Midsummer's Eve

"I hope to be. I'm taking over a constituency in the south west. I have just been making a tour, talking to my prospective supporters, trying to clock up the votes.”

"What part of the south west?”

"It's a big constituency. Rather remote and scattered. In Cornwall actually. The people take a bit of knowing. Farmers, fishermen, miners. I've had chats with them on the quays and in their cottages.”

He was garrulous which one would expect of a man who hoped to become a Member of Parliament. He was entirely interested in himself and I was glad of that for I did not want him asking me questions.

"They're a superstitious community. One has to get to know about them, how their minds work, how best one can impress them. Have to make their interests yours. You get to know what is happening in these little places and then you talk of little else ... and slip in the propaganda so that they won't notice. For instance, there was some place where there had recently been quite a big case ... well, big for them ... about some property ...”

"Oh?" I said faintly. "Where was that?”

"Somewhere down there. Somebody had come out from Australia and claimed this estate ... rather a large one. But that it seems was old news. What they were all talking about was her marriage ...”

"You mean the marriage of the one who claimed the estate?”

"Yes, that's it. Apparently it was a nice little bit of gossip, and when they've got something like that on their minds they just won't talk about anything else.

You have to listen and seem as interested to hear as they are to tell you. It's the only way of winning their votes. So I stand there saying 'Really? Did she then? Well, I never did.' Apparently this woman who'd just got hold of the mansion was marrying some chap from the Manor which was a sort of rival estate. Could have knocked them down with feathers, they kept saying. I didn't get to see the married pair. But that's what I'm telling you. You have to listen and hope to get in what you're really there to ... I just listened and told them how amazing it was. Well, that's an example of what you have to do.”

"Was the name of the place ... Cador, do you remember?”

"Why, that's it. Do you know it?”

"Yes," I said flatly. "I did.”

"Grand sort of place. So was the other one, this Manor. I reckon that was what they were all so excited about ... linking up the two ...”

I felt rather dizzy with the shock. I heard myself say, "So you'll be standing at the next election?”

He went on talking but I was not listening.

I was thinking: So Rolf has married that woman. "The chap from the Manor." How could he? But everything was clear now. I had been right. He would do a great deal for Cador.

It had taken this to tell me how much I loved Rolf. In spite of everything, more than anything I wanted to be with him. I might have married him, but fate had conspired to take him from me. No, that was not true. I was the one who had broken it off.

How I wished now that I had married him! Even if he had been in the woods that Midsummer's Eve; even if he wanted Cador. I had made excuses for Uncle Peter and I had seen the good amongst what was deplorable in his character. But I had made no allowances for Rolf from whom I had expected perfection.

I could talk to no one of this. I felt wretchedly empty. I could never be happy again.

For some days Helena did not notice that there was anything wrong with me. Then at last she said: "You look pale, Annora, and very unhappy. Is it because of the children?”

I looked at her in astonishment and she went on: "Oh, I know how you love them, how you've always loved Jonnie. I felt that you often wished he was yours. Now I have two and you have none.”

"Oh, Helena," I cried. "What an idea! I am so glad for you. I think all turned out beautifully. And now you have little Geoffrey. You are lucky, Helena.”

"I know. I feel it isn't fair. Everything came out so well for me, didn't it? I never told you, but I saw John Milward some time ago. He talked to me. I was never sure how I should feel if I saw him again, and I felt nothing ... nothing at all. I had to keep reminding myself that he was Jennie's father. He said how sorry he was that it had turned out the way it had. But I couldn't be sorry. He was very weak really ... and now it has all worked out with Matthew. Matthew is wonderful. My father says he can be a great politician. It is what he really wants to do. I don't think John Milward would ever have been anything without his family. Matthew is thinking of writing a book about chimney sweeps. He feels very strongly about that and my father thinks it is a good idea.”

"I'm so glad it has turned out like this for you.”

"I wish it could for you. Perhaps it will. Joe Cresswell is a very nice young man.”

"I know.”

"And he is very fond of you.”

I wanted to shout at her: But I want Rolf. I've always wanted Rolf. I was too stupid to see how important he was to me.