Mything Persons

Obviously, I wasn't wild about continuing on the sub-

ject of our place of origin.

"Ahhh, can you really help us find our friend? He's

new in town, like us."

"That's right. You're looking for someone. Sorry. I

get a little carried away sometimes when I talk about my

work. New in town, hmmm? Shouldn't be that hard to

locate. We don't get that many visitors."

"He might be in jail," Massha blurted out before I

realized what she was going to say.

"In jail?" The vampire frowned. "The only outsider

in jail right now is. ... Say! Now I recognize you! The

eyes threw me for a minute. You're Skeeve, aren't

you?"

"Screen 97B!" he declared proudly, gesturing

vaguely over his shoulder. "There's someone a dozen

dimensions over from here, runs a hot dog stand, who

features you in his most frequent nightmares. You, a

dragon, and a Pervert. Am I correct in assuming that

56 Robert Asprin

the current resident in our fair jail is none other than

your sidekick Aahz?"

"To be correct, that's Pervect, not Pervert... but ex-

cept for that you're right. That's my partner you've got

locked up there, and we aim to get him out."

I was probably talking too much, but being recog-

nized in a dimension I'd never heard of had thrown me

off balance. Then again, the Dispatcher didn't seem all

that hostile at the discovery. More curious than any-

thing else.

"Well, well. Skeeve himself. I never expected to meet

you in person. Sometime you must tell me what you did

to that poor fellow to rate the number-one slot on his hit

parade of nightmares."

"What about Aahz?'' I said impatiently.

"You know he's up for murder, don't you?"

"Heard it. Don't believe it. He's a lot of things, but a

murderer isn't one of them."

"There's a fair amount of evidence." Vilhelm

shrugged. "But tell me. What's with the vampire get-

up. You're no more a vampire than I'm a Klahd."

"It's a long story. Let's just say it seemed to be the

local uniform."

"Let's not," the dispatcher grinned. "Pull up a chair

... free of charge, of course. I've got time and lots of

questions about the other dimensions. Maybe we can

trade a little information while you're here."

Chapter Seven:

"I don't see anything thrilling about it!""

—M. JACKSON

"I really don't see how you can drink that stuff," I de-

clared, eyeing Vilhelm's goblet of blood.

"Funny," he smiled in return, "I was about to say

the same thing. I mean, you know what W. C. Fields

said about water!"

"No. What?"

"Now let me get this straight," Guido interrupted

before I could get any answer. "You're sayin' you vam-

pire guys don't really drink blood from people?"

"Oh, a few do," the Dispatcher said with a shrug.

"But it's an acquired taste, like steak tartare. Some say

it's a gourmet dish, but I could never stand the stuff

myself. I'll stick with the inexpensive domestic varieties

any night."

We were all sprawled around the Dispatcher's office

at this point, sipping our respective drinks and getting

into a pretty good rap session. We had pulled Guido in

off door watch and I had dropped our disguises so my

57

58 Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 59

energy reserve wasn't being drained.

The Dispatcher had played with his phones, calling

from one to the other. Then he put them all down and

announced that he had them on "hold," a curious ex-

pression since it was the first time in half an hour he

hadn't been holding one.

Vilhelm himself was turning out to be a priceless

source of information, and, as promised, had a seem-

ingly insatiable curiosity about otherworldly things.

"Then how do you account for all the vampire leg-

ends around the other dimensions," Massha said skepti-

cally.

The Dispatcher made a face.

"First of all, you've got to realize who you're dealing

with. Most of the ones who do extensive touring outside

of Limbo are 'old money' types. We're talking about

the idle rich ... and that usually equates to bored thrill-

seekers. Working stiffs like me can't afford to take that

kind of time away from our jobs. Heck, I can hardly

manage to get my two weeks each year. Anyway, there

are a lot more of us around the dimensions than you

might realize. It's just that the level-headed ones are

content to maintain a low profile and blend with the

natives. They content themselves with the blood of do-

mestic livestock, much the way we do here at home. It's

the others that cause the problems. Like any group of

tourists, there's always a few who feel that just because

they're in another world or city, the rules don't apply

... and that includes common manners and good taste.

They're the ones who stir up trouble by getting the lo-

cals up in arms about 'bloodsucking monsters.' If it

makes you feel any better, you human types have a

pretty bad rep yourselves here in Limbo."

That caught my attention.

"Could you elaborate on that last point, Vilhelm?

What problem could the locals have with us?"

The Dispatcher laughed.

"The same one you humans have with us vampires.

While humans aren't the leading cause of death in vam-

pires any more than vampires are a leading cause of

death in humans, it's certainly one of the more publi-