Mything Persons

Any chance of getting the verdict reversed or at least a

stay of execution?"

"I'm afraid not. Character witnesses alone wouldn't

change anything, and as for new evidence, it would only

be your word against the existing witnesses... and

you've already admitted the defendant is a friend of

yours. Mind you, / believe you, but there are those who

would suspect you'd say anything or fabricate any kind

of tale tosave your partner."

"But can you personally give us a hand?"

"No, I can't," the vampire said, turning away. "You

all seem like real nice folks, and your friend is probably

the salt of the earth, but I have to live here and deal with

these people for a long time. If I sided with outsiders

against the town legal system, my whole career would

go down the drain whether I was right or not. It's not

pretty and I don't like it, but that's the way things are."

"We could fix it so you like it a lot less!" Guido said

darkly, reaching into his coat.

"Stop it, Guido," I ordered. "Let's not forget the

help Vilhelm's already given us. It's a lot more than we

MYTH-ING PERSONS 63

expected to get when we first came into this dimension,

so don't go making enemies out of the only friend we*ve

got locally. Okay?"

The bodyguard sank back into his chair, muttering

something I was just as glad I didn't hear, but his hand

came out of his coat empty and stayed in sight.

"So what do we do now. Hot Stuff?" Massha sighed.

"The only thing I can think of is to try to locate those

witnesses before the execution date," I said. "What I

can't figure is how to go about looking without getting

half the town down on our necks."

"What we really need is a bloodhound," Guido

grumbled.

"Say, that's not a bad idea!" Vilhelm exclaimed,

coming to life. "Maybe I can help you after all!"

"You got a bloodhound?" the bodyguard said, rais-

ing his eyebrows.

"Even better," the vampire declared. "I don't know

why I didn't think of it before. The ones you need to get

in touch with are the Woof Writers."

I studied him-carefully to see if this were some kind of

joke.

"The Woof Writers?" I repeated at last.

"Well, that's what we in Blut call them behind their

backs. Actually, they're a husband-wife team of were-

wolves who are on a big crusade to raise sympathy for

humans."

"Werewolves," I said carefully.

"Sure. We got all kinds here in Limbo. Anyway, if

anyone in this dimension will be willing to stick their

necks out for you, they're the ones. They do their own

thing and don't really give a hang what any of the other

locals think about it. Besides, werewolves are second to

none when it comes to sniffing out a trail."

"Werewolves."

64 Robert Asprin

Vilhelmcocked his head at me curiously.

"Am I imagining things, Skeeve, or didn't you just

say that?"

"What's more," Massha smiled sweetly, "he'll prob-

ably say it again. It bears repeating."

"Werewolves," I said again, just to support my ap-

prentice.

"Boss," Guido began, "I don't want to say this, but

nobody said anything about werewolves when we...."

"Good," I interrupted brusquely. "You don't want

to say it, and I don't want to hear it. Now that we're in

agreement, let's just pass on it and...."

"But Boss! We can't team up with werewolves."

"Guido, we just went over this. We're in a tight spot

and in a strange dimension. We can't afford to be

choosy about our allies."

"You don't understand. Boss. I'm allergic to 'em!"

I sank down into a chair and hid my face in my hands.

"I thought you were allergic to garlic," I said through

my fingers.

"That. too," the bodyguard said. "But mostly I'm

allergic to furry things like kitties or fur coats or...."

"... or werewolves," Massha finished for him.

"Frankly, Dark and Deadly, one starts to wonder how

you've been able to function effectively all these years."

"Hey, it doesn't come up all that often, know what I

mean?" Guido argued defensively. "How many times

have .you been attacked by somethin' furry?"

"Not as often as I'd like!" Massha leered.

"Enough, you two," I ordered, raising my head.

"Guido, have you ever actually been near a werewolf?"

"Well, no. But...."

"Then until we know for sure, we'll assume you're

not allergic to them. Okay? Vilhelm, exactly where do

we find these Woof Writers of yours?"

Chapter Eight:

"First, let's decide who's leading and

who's following."

—F. ASTAIRE

"BOSS, just where the hell is Pahkipsee?"

I found myself wondering if all bodyguards spent

most of their time complaining, or if I had just gotten

lucky.

"Look, Guido. You were there and heard the same

instructions I did. If Vilhelm was right, it should be just

up the road here a couple more miles."

"... 'a rather dead bedroom community, fit only for

those not up to the fast-lane life-style of the big city,' "

Massha quoted in a close imitation of the vampire's

voice.

Guido snickered rudely.

"Why do I get the feeling you didn't particularly

warm to Vilhelm, Massha?" I suppressed a grin of my

own.

"Maybe it's because he's the only guy we've met she

hasn't made a pass at?" Guido suggested.

Massha favored him with an extended tongue and

65

66 Robert Asprin