Rumble Tumble

“Two men,” Bill said. “One is a pilot. The second man will help in other ways. I want five hundred dollars for each of us.”

“Herman said a thousand,” Brett said.

“Herman has no idea what I want,” Bill said. “Prices change. And I don’t do this much anymore. I have to make it worth my while. And frankly, that’s pocket change.”

“I can write you a check,” Brett said.

Bill laughed.

“I can give you a thousand in cash,” Brett said. “I thought I might need money for something like this. I have that much. A little more, but I’ll need what’s left for food and such.”

“All right,” Bill said. “You give me a thousand cash. Write me a check for five hundred, and put down on the check it’s for car repairs. You get asked, I had to fix your brakes and balance your tires, do a tuneup. All kinds of things. You understand?”

Brett nodded.

“I have to talk to my men,” Bill said. “I don’t even know they’ll do this. I didn’t tell them anything. I wanted to see you first. I want to see some money now.”

“You can see it,” Leonard said, “but you aren’t taking it with you.”

Bill gave Leonard a strained look. “I have to advance my partners some.”

“Why don’t you advance them your best wishes,” Leonard said. “They’ve worked with you before. Right? They trust you. Or do they?”

“Yeah, they trust me, but I don’t trust any of you.”

“But we’re supposed to trust you?” Leonard said.

“I’m the man you asked to see,” Bill said. “Not the other way around.”

“This entire expedition from start to finish has been misguided,” Red said to Leonard. “I suggest you let Herman and I go, cut your losses, and accept that Tillie is a whore and she is going to be busy at the quick-stop five-minute lube for the rest of her life. At least until she’s too ugly to draw customers.”

“I advise you to shut up,” Brett said. “Or you’ll draw flies.”

“Another word out of you, Red,” Leonard said, “and I’m going to see I can flush a midget down the crapper.”

“Lay off,” Herman said.

“I hope you don’t think you scare me,” Leonard said.

“I know I don’t,” Herman said. “But know this. The feeling works in reverse. You don’t scare me. It won’t be worth it for either of us.”

“You people going to do business or what?” Bill said. “Personally, I don’t care who’s got the biggest dick here.”

“Keep talking,” I said.

“I say, five hundred now,” Bill said, “five hundred when we actually start out, and you give me the check when we finish.”

“Here’s how it is, Bill,” I said. “We give you two-fifty now. That’ll keep you in paint thinner, but I advise you not use any until we finish up things.”

Bill’s eyes shifted away from mine.

“And I thought he was just messy,” Brett said.

“There’s paint all over his coat,” I said. “He sniffs a little paint with thinner. They used to call it doing the bag. Sometimes it’s glue instead of paint and thinner. But with Bill here, it’s thinner. Am I right, Bill?”

“I’m not addicted,” he said.

“I really don’t give a shit,” Leonard said. “You don’t touch that shit until we’re out of your life.”

“Five hundred now,” Bill said.

“We don’t even know you’ll follow through on things,” I said. “Two-fifty now. Two-fifty when we get going. Rest of the cash and check when we finish the job.”

“Things are hard,” Bill said. “I need the money.”

“Hell,” Leonard said. “My thing is always hard, but you don’t hear me whining about it.”

“You don’t know what life is like for me,” Bill said.

“Oh shit, here we go,” Leonard said. “Let me guess. You’re displaced Kickapoos. Your culture is all lost. You don’t get to hunt the sacred deer. You know what, that’s sad. Really. But, on the other hand, I don’t give a shit. I’m fuckin’ tired of the whining and the excuses for not getting on with life. I could sit here and give you my poor-little-nigger speech, but I won’t. Because I don’t see myself that way. My people came from a bunch of ignorant farmers, and so did Hap’s, and he’s white, and that’s his drawback. Way I see it, I’m black and I’m human and I don’t beg nobody for nothin’. So, you believe whatever you want, but it’s not my problem.”

“All right,” Bill said. “I see where this is going. Take care of yourselves.”

“We will,” Leonard said. “Try not to track anything on the carpet on your way out.”

Bill didn’t move. He fumbled inside his jacket for cigarettes.

“Don’t smoke that,” Brett said.

Bill pushed the cigarette back into the pack. He just couldn’t win. He hung his head. He sighed.

“Very well,” he said. “I’ll take the two-fifty now, and talk to my partners.”

“I’ll go with you while you talk to your partners,” I said. “Then maybe you’ll take two-fifty.”

Bill didn’t even try to argue this time. He merely nodded.

“You, Leonard,” Bill said. “One word of caution. Watch yourself. Your mouth could easily write a check with me your ass can’t cash.”

Leonard grinned at him. “I can write a damn big check, Early Bird.”