Terminal

“Like you guys really care? I’m fucking holding you hostage here.”

“I do,” Sheila whispered.

Benjy’s head bobbed up and down. “You’ve got dark stuff inside you, Mr. Tommy. Black shadows. Not like the monster people in Mr. Sherm’s head, but dark just the same. And it’s spreading too.”

I sighed, wondering how to proceed.

Then I opened my mouth and said the words that I’d been unable to say to my wife.

“I— I have cancer.” At a very advanced stage, the doctor’s voice echoed through my head.

“Terminal?” Roy asked.

“Yeah. It’s terminal.” The word sounded like another gunshot. “It’s spreading through my body like crazy. The doctor thinks I’ve got a few weeks at the most. Like I said, John, Sherm, and I got laid off from the foundry, and Michelle and me are already way behind on the bills. This just seemed like a good idea at the time— a way out of it all. A solution. It was like life handed me a real plate of shit, so I might as well make one good thing out of it. Dying of cancer was the downside, but it seemed like there was an upside too, and that was the chance to help my family in ways I’d never have risked before. What was the worst that could happen, you know? If they caught me, I’d be dead soon anyway. That was how I saw it. It didn’t really hit me as to how this would affect Michelle and T. J. until I got here and things went bad. I guess I was cocky. I honestly didn’t think we’d get caught. And I definitely didn’t mean for anyone to get killed.”

I looked down at John, then back up at them all, meeting their eyes. In a way, it felt like I was cheating on Michelle by telling them this.

“Any of you ever hear the song ‘Hard Knock Life’?”

Oscar, Sheila, and Kim nodded. The others stared at me blankly.

“Well, if you’ve heard it, that pretty much sums up my life in a nutshell. It’s a hard knock life.”

“Me and you both,” Sheila agreed. “Believe it.”

“Me too,” Kim said. Oscar nodded along with her.

Sheila I could understand, but I didn’t see it with Kim and Oscar.

“Sounds to me like you two got it made, going to college and shit.”

“You think my life doesn’t suck?” Kim snorted. “I mean sure, maybe I don’t have cancer. That’s horrible, and I’m sorry for you and your family. I really am. I still don’t understand why you did this, but I do feel sorry for you. But I’ve had my share of hard knocks too.”

“Me too,” Oscar said. “Guys like you and Sherm have picked on me and fucked with me since the first grade. I’ve never had a date. I spent prom night jerking off in my bedroom, looking at porn on the Net. How pathetic is that?”

A tear ran down his face as he continued.

“Just once I’d like to have a life. All I do is read and watch TV and play video games and go to school. I’d just like to have a normal life, with some friends, and maybe a girl who liked me and didn’t think I was weird or a geek. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

Kim’s expression was sad and knowing.

“I know how you feel.”

Oscar laughed, but the sound was cruel and bitter.

“How could you know how I feel? You’re beautiful. I bet you had a date to the prom.”

“You might be surprised, Oscar.”

“So then what do you want out of life, Kim?” I asked. “If you could have one thing?”

“Honestly? I just want to find a nice guy. That’s it, plain and simple. A nice guy that would listen to me and take an interest in what I have to say. One that likes my cat and did little things just to show he cared. That’s all it would take to make me happy.”

“I’d formally introduce you to John, but he’s out of it right now. Maybe when he wakes up. He’s a nice guy.”

I laughed a little too long and patted John’s hand gently.

“Tommy.” Roy’s voice was soft, and he spoke slowly.

“Yeah? What’s up, Roy?”

“Tommy—”

“What, Mr. Kirby?”

“Tommy— son, I think your friend is dead.”

FIFTEEN

That’s not funny, Roy. You better take that shit back right now.”

“John is dead, Tommy,” he repeated.

“Why you want to say some shit like that, man? Why you gotta fuck with me?”

I could hear the desperate tone in my voice, and I hated myself for it. I willed it to go away, but it increased instead as he tried again.

“He’s not breathing, Tommy. He hasn’t been for a while. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Your friend is gone. He’s dead. Look at him, son.”

“Shut the hell up, you old fart. Just shut the fuck up right now!”

“Tommy . . .”

“He’s not dead. You don’t know shit, man. You don’t fucking know, okay?”

“Look at him, Tommy!”

“No! Now knock it off.”

“Look at him.”

“I SAID NO!”

Without thinking about it, I swung the pistol out from me at arm’s length and pointed it at him. Gasping, they all scurried backward, trying to push themselves into the wall, trying to hide behind each other. Roy closed his eyes in fearful resignation. Kim whimpered. Sharon and Dugan cowered close together. Oscar let out a frightened squeal. Only Sheila held her ground. She bent her head and listened while Benjy whispered something in her ear. Then she looked up at me, her face serious.

“Tommy, Benjy says to check his pulse.”

“I don’t need to check his pulse. He’s alive.”