The Brothers Karamazov

And again he firmly grasped Alyosha by the shoulders with both hands. His face suddenly became quite pale, so that it was terribly noticeable in the near-darkness. His lips twisted, his eyes were fixed on Alyosha.

“Alyosha, tell me the complete truth, as before the Lord God: do you believe I killed father or not? You, you yourself, do you believe it or not? The complete truth, don’t lie!” he cried to him frenziedly.

Alyosha reeled, as it were, and his heart—he could feel it—seemed pierced by some sharp thing.

“No, don’t, what are you ... ,” he murmured, as if at a loss.

“The whole truth, the whole, don’t lie!” Mitya repeated.

“Never for a single moment have I believed that you are the murderer,” the trembling voice suddenly burst from Alyosha’s breast, and he raised his right hand as if calling on God to witness his words. Mitya’s whole face instantly lit up with bliss.

“Thank you!” he uttered slowly, as if sighing after a swoon. “Now you’ve revived me ... Would you believe it, up to now I was afraid to ask you, even you, you! Well, go, go! You’ve strengthened me for tomorrow, God bless you! Well, go, love Ivan!” was the last word that burst from Mitya.

Alyosha walked out all in tears. Such a degree of insecurity in Mitya, such a degree of mistrust even of him, of Alyosha—all of this suddenly opened up before Alyosha such an abyss of ineluctable grief and despair in the soul of his unfortunate brother as he had not suspected before. Deep, infinite compassion suddenly took hold of him and at once tormented him. His pierced heart ached terribly. “Love Ivan!”—he suddenly recalled Mitya’s parting words. And he was on his way to Ivan. Since morning he had needed terribly to see Ivan. Ivan tormented him no less than Mitya, and now, after his meeting with his brother, more than ever.

Chapter 5: Not You! Not You!

On the way to Ivan he had to pass by the house where Katerina Ivanovna was staying. There was light in the windows. He suddenly stopped and decided to go in. It was more than a week since he had seen Katerina Ivanovna. But it just occurred to him that Ivan might be with her now, especially on the eve of such a day. He rang and was starting up the stairs, dimly lit by a Chinese lantern, when he saw a man coming down in whom, as they drew near each other, he recognized his brother. He was then just leaving Katerina Ivanovna’s.

“Ah, it’s only you,” Ivan Fyodorovich said drily. “Well, good-bye. Are you coming to see her?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t recommend it; she’s ‘agitated,’ and you will upset her even more.”

“No, no!” a voice suddenly cried from above, from the instantly opened door. “Alexei Fyodorovich, are you coming from him?”

“Yes, I was just there.”

“Did he ask you to tell me anything? Come in, Alyosha, and you, Ivan Fyodorovich, you must, must come back. Do you hear me!”

Such an imperious note sounded in Katya’s voice that Ivan Fyodorovich, after hesitating a moment, decided after all to go upstairs again with Alyosha.

“She was eavesdropping!” he whispered irritably to himself, but Alyosha heard it.

“Allow me to keep my coat on,” Ivan Fyodorovich said as he entered the drawing room. “And I won’t sit down. I won’t stay more than a minute.”

“Sit down, Alexei Fyodorovich,” Katerina Ivanovna said, while she herself remained standing. She had changed little during this time, but her dark eyes gleamed with an ominous fire. Alyosha remembered afterwards that she had seemed extremely good-looking to him at that moment.

“Well, what did he ask you to tell me?”

“Only one thing,” Alyosha said, looking directly in her face, “that you should spare yourself and not give any evidence in court ... ,” he faltered a little, “of what happened between you ... at the time of your first acquaintance ... in that town...”

“Ah, about bowing down for the money!” she joined in with a bitter laugh. “And what, is he afraid for himself or for me—eh? He said I should spare— but whom? Him, or myself? Tell me, Alexei Fyodorovich.”

Alyosha was watching intently, trying to understand her.

“Both yourself and him,” he spoke softly.

“So!” she snapped somehow viciously, and suddenly blushed. “You do not know me yet, Alexei Fyodorovich,” she said menacingly, “and I do not know myself yet. Perhaps you will want to trample me underfoot after tomorrow’s questioning.”

“You will testify honestly,” said Alyosha, “that’s all that’s necessary.”

“Women are often dishonest,” she snarled. “Just an hour ago I was thinking how afraid I am to touch that monster ... like a viper ... but no, he’s still a human being for me! But is he a murderer? Is he the murderer?” she exclaimed hysterically, all of a sudden, turning quickly to Ivan Fyodorovich. Alyosha understood at once that she had already asked Ivan Fyodorovich the same question, perhaps only a moment before he arrived, and not for the first but for the hundredth time, and that they had ended by quarreling.