The Stainless Steel Rat for President

ELECTION LAWS SECRETLY CHANGED AND PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES MUST REGISTER BY SIX TONIGHT IN PRIMOROSO-JORGE "The trouble is already starting," I said. "Zapilote must have got wind of our plans and is moving to stop us before we even get off the ground. What is Primoroso?" "Our capital city-and Zapilote's stronghold. The man is impossible to beat! If we try to register we will be arrested, and if we don't show up he wins the election by default." "Never say die before the fight, de Torres. Can we reach Primoroso in time?" "Easily. My jet copter will take us there in less than three hours." "How many will it hold?" "Five, including the pilot." "The perfect number. You and me. Bolivar and James." "But your sons are so young. I have armed men-" "Young in years but wise in experience. You will see for yourself what they can do. Now if you will roll out your craft, I'll get the boys and make a few other arrangements." I was rooting around in the depths of the storage compartments in the car when Angelina tapped me on the shoulder.

"You are not leaving me behind while you dash off all over the place." "Indeed I'm not," I said, dropping an armload of equipment and turning to embrace her. "Yours is the most important task since you must stay here and hold our flank. As soon as we are gone you must set up the defenses. As well as firing up the detection apparatus. If we have to come back in a hurry, I look forward to returning to a stoutly defended position. I know nothing of the castle's defenses'-but I know a lot about ours, and know that I can rely upon them. And upon you." She tilted her head most attractively to the side and looked at me quizzically. "You're not inventing all of this on the spot to get me out of the action, are you, diGriz?" "Never!" I protested mightily, not daring to admit that she had seized instantly upon the truth. "This is going to be a hit-and-run raid, and we will need you in support here. There will be plenty of work for all of us before this rigged election runs to its crooked end. Now please help me find the makeup box. I need a large and black beard for instant use." She thought hard, then nodded reluctantly. "All right. But you better not be lying to me. If you get burned in this operation I'll kill you for it." Which is a perfect example of female logic that I knew better than to draw to her attention.

Thirty minutes later I was kissing her goodby through the muffling shrouds of the fake beard, and working hard to conceal my pleasure. Good things were going to happen! Round one in the bie election camnaign was about to hem'n.

Chapter 13

We exited together. The twins were dressed in the drab castle livery which served to enhance the marquez's and my Bnery. We were impressively eye-catching, a sartorial symphony of feathered hats, bullion waistcoats, sweeping cloaks, and thigh-high boots, everything the peasantry expected a grandee to be. This might give us a chance to score points with the bureaucrats-as well as helping to conceal a choice bit of weaponry.

The copter was shining new and well maintained—no leaking hydraulic pipes here! As proud as de Torres was of the old technology, he was not loath to use shoddy electronics and weak little motors when they suited his needs. In truth, the jet motors of the copter were anything but weak. We hurtled up to cruising altitude and barrelled off towards the eastern coast. The marquez had a grim look as he planned ahead.

"If we go to the heliport we will have immense difficulties getting past the city walls and on to the Presidio, where the registration must take place." "What is this Presidio where we have to go?" "An ancient fort, traditional seat of government of the kings ofParaiso-Aqui. Alas, now occupied by the usurper." "Can we land there?" "It is forbidden. But Zapilote goes there by copter all the time, landing in Freedom Square just outside." "Good enough for him, good enough for us. The worst they can do is give us a parking ticket. " "The worst they can do is shoot us," de Torres said gloomily.

"Cheer up!" I pointed to the small case I was carrying. "In addition to all the documents, there are a few items in here to help us fight back. Nor are the twins completely unarmed." "No indeed," Bolivar said, swinging about in his seat and patting himself at armpit and hip.