The Stainless Steel Rat for President

"Do you feel any better?" I asked as he sat up and stretched. "I do. I must thank you, for everything." "Do you have any idea of what we should do next to get out of here?" He looked around. "Where is here?" "Coast road. A few Ks south of Puerto Azul." "Can you fly a jet copter?" "I can fly anything. Why do you ask-do you have one in your pocket?" "No, but there is a small private airfield a short distance down the coast. There are craft of all sizes there. Of course it is guarded and there are alarms..." My snort was not one of anger, but rather more like that of a warhorse about to go into battle. My fatigue was gone, I was flying from the uppers, and looking forward to one last quick round of breaking and entering and mugging before taking off for home. It had really been a busy couple of days.

Jorge tried to help, but I instructed him to remain in the car since he would only be in my way. I shorted the alarm in the barbed-wire fence, went over it silent as a snake-and within ten minutes came strolling back to unlock the gate.

"You make it look so simple," Jorge said with justified admiration as we drove into the field.

"Each man to his trade," I murmured deprecatorily. "I'm sure that I would make a rotten tourist guide. Now we will leave the car here out of sight, and take that sport copter. Don't trip over the bodies, that's right." By the time he had his seatbelt buckled I had hot-wired the ignition, fired up the engines and turned on the navigation circuitry. I tapped the illuminated map projection.

"We'll head for Primoroso-then turn sharply here over the Barrier and on to the marquez's castle. Are you ready?" He nodded and we lifted into the air.

It was an easy flight. Not a single blip appeared on our radar and there wasn't even a disturbance when we crossed the Barrier. I maintained radio silence until Castle de la Rosa appeared on the screen, then identified myself and brought the ship in. The landing pad was brightly lit, and in this welcoming illumination there awaited the three most important people in the galaxy. Important to me, that is.

I dropped from the copter and, with a quick wave to my sons, embraced their mother in such a satisfactory fashion that they clapped encouragement.

"I've been missing that," Angelina said, holding me away at arm's length. "They haven't hurt you, have they? If they have, this planet is going to be littered with corpses very quickly." "Desist, my love! If anything the opposite is true. I have cut a mean swath through the ranks of the enemy, have won many a fiercely fought contest, have gained us new friends and comrades, cheated at cards, and generally kept myself quite busy while I have been away. How has it been here?" "Very quiet. The marquez is recovering nicely, so the boys and I have used the opportunity to make detailed plans." "Plans of what?" The drugs were wearing off, fatigue struck and I stifled a yawn.

"Plans for you to conduct the crookedest election campaign in the history of electoral politics. It will be a watershed of illegality, a monument of chicanery, a cacophony of corruption." Jorge stared with disbelief as the rest of us cheered iinl-hiKliaitifallv

Chapter 19

We sat on the balcony in the glorious morning sunlight, the ruins of our breakfast whisked away by silent servants, sipping a last bit of coffee Jo hold everything down. It was Angelina, ever practical, who finally touched her lips daintily with her napkin and got down to work.

"While you were away I took the opportunity of going through the marquez's library. One of his predecessors had the hobby of collecting universities. There must be nearly a thousand of them." This is not an ordinary hobby, and might even be called an eccentric one. Though it is certainly easy enough to do if you have the money. Not that a university itself costs that much; one of them will fit on a solid-state disc that you can hold on the palm of your hand. It shouldn't cost more than a bottle of rum. The expense comes in traveling about the galaxy, to all of the out-of-the-way planets, to root around in secondhand memory shops and find any old universities that they might have.

"I went through all the university libraries and crossreferenced everything that I could find cataloged on illicit elections and dirty politics. There were plenty of listings, but all of the books I dipped into just complained about this sort ofnastiness and how to prevent it without going into details." "Most unsatisfactory." "Indeed. Until I ran this incredibly ancient university. The chip was cracked and gray with age, the name of the school itself illegible. It was so old it might actually have come from Earth. In any case the library was almost intact, and in it I found the book that we will use as our bible. I did a printout of it." She took a heavy sheaf of typescript from the floor, and passed it over to me.