Three Novels of Ancient Egypt

The assembled drunks laughed at Isfmis and his companion and one of them came up to them, a short man with a coarse face and neck and a huge belly. He bowed to them mockingly and said, his speech slurred with drink, “Gentlemen, allow me to offer you my belly to sit on!”

Isfmis realized his mistake and the harm it had done him and his companion, and to make it good said, “We gratefully accept your offer, but how will you drink your vintage wine without your belly?”

The youth's reply pleased the drunks and one of them called out to the fat man, “Answer, Tuna, answer! How can you drink your cups if you give your belly away to the gentlemen?”

The man frowned in thought and scratched his head in bewilderment, his lower lip hanging down like a piece of bloody liver. Then his bloodshot eyes lit up as though he had found a happy solution and he said, “I'll drink it predigested!”

The men laughed and Isfinis, — who liked the answer, told him soothingly, “I'll forgo the kind offer of your mighty belly, — which was created to be a wineskin, and not a seat.”

Then Isfinis looked at the tavern-keeper and said to him, “My good man, fill three cups, two for us and one for our witty friend Tuna!”

The man filled the cups and presented them to Isfinis. Tuna seized his and emptied it into his mouth at one go, unable to believe his luck. Then he wiped his mouth with his palm and said to Isfinis, “You're certainly a rich man, noble sir!”

Isfinis replied smilingly, “Praise God for his blessings!”

Tuna said, “But you're Egyptians, from the look of you!”

“You have keen eyes! Is there any contradiction between being Egyptians and being rich?”

“Certainly, unless you're in the rulers’ good graces.”

Here another interjected, “People like that imitate their masters and don't mix with the likes of us!”

Isfmis's face darkened and the image of the youth who had angrily shouted “Herdsmen's slave!” at him a while before came back to him. He said, “We are Egyptians from Nubia and have only recently arrived in Egypt.”

Silence fell, the word “Nubia” ringing strangely in the men's ears. However, they were all drunk and the wine-chatter could not get a purchase on their minds, and they were incapable of pulling their thoughts together. One of the men looked at the men's two cups, which they had not yet touched, and said with a heavy tongue, “Why don't you drink, may the Lord bless you with the wine of Paradise?”

Latu replied, “We drink rarely, and when we drink, we drink slowly.”

Tuna said, “That's the way! What's the point in running away from a happy life? Me, on the other hand, I'm fed up with my work, I'm even fed up with my family and children, and I'm sickest of all with myself, so all I want is never to take the cup away from these lips!”

A drunk clapped in pleasure at what Tuna had said and shook his head in delight, saying, “This inn is the refuge of those — who have no hope, of those — who proffer trays of food — while they are hungry, — who — weave luxurious garments while they are naked, and who play the buffoon at the celebrations of their overlords, though their hearts and spirits are broken.”

A third man said, “Listen, men of Nubia! A drinker is never happy until his legs give way, for all he wants to do is lose consciousness. Take me, for example: every night I have to be carried home to my hut!”

Isfmis recollected himself and realized that he was among the most wretched of humanity. “Are you fishermen?” heaskedthem.

Tuna replied, “All of us are fishermen.”

The innkeeper shrugged his shoulders contemptuously and said, without looking up from his work, “Not me — I'm a tavern-keeper, sir!”

Tuna guffawed, then pointed with a thick finger at a short, thin, fine-boned man with wide, bright eyes. He said, “If you want to be precise, this man's a thief.”

Isfmis looked at the man curiously and the man felt embarrassed and tried to reassure him by saying, “Don't worry, sir! I never steal anything in this quarter!”

Tuna commented, “He means that as there's nothing worth stealing in our quarter, he keeps company with us like anybody else and practices his art in the suburbs of Thebes, where there's money everywhere and everyone's well-off.”

The thief himself was drunk and said apologetically, “I'm not a thief, sir. I'm just someone who roams around, east and west, wherever his feet carry him. And if I stumble on a lost goose or chicken in my path, I guide it to a safe place, usually my hut!”

“And do you eat it?”

“God forbid, sir! Good food gives me stomach poisoning! I just sell it to anyone who'll buy.”

“Aren't you afraid of the constables?”

“I'm very afraid of them, sir, because the only ones allowed to steal in this country are the rich and the rulers!”

Tuna added his word to that of the thief, saying, “The rule in Egypt is that the rich steal from the poor, but the poor are not allowed to steal from the rich.”