Urge to Kill

“Probably was. It had diamonds for numbers. Looked real to me, like the gold looked real. He didn’t wear it all the time, just when he was trying to impress somebody. We’d go out at night sometimes, talk up women in bars or restaurants. Seldom led anywhere, though, except to trouble for me once. I think Galin just wanted to show off, know he could score if he wanted to.”

“He never did score?”

“Couple of times. Not in any way meaningful. He’d throw money around, flash the watch and his gold cufflinks. He did have a few suits and jackets that’d put a strain on a cop’s salary.”

“He wasn’t wearing an expensive watch when he was shot,” Quinn said. “And there wasn’t all this gold or a Rolex in his dresser drawers or mentioned when we talked to his wife.”

Holstetter grinned. “June wouldn’t have known about that stuff. Galin was planning on a life beyond early retirement that didn’t include her.”

“According to her, they were happy enough,” Fedderman said.

“Maybe they were. Maybe Joe changed his mind. Life’s complicated.”

“We were talking about that on the drive over here,” Fedderman said.

“Complicated as…shit,” Holstetter said.

Quinn knew that for a fact. The most profound things in life happened in a place beyond words and easy explanations, behind a thick, impenetrable curtain. Now and then the curtain parted slightly to allow a glimpse. Sometimes it was horrifying.

“I never dreamed I’d ever be sitting someplace ratting out my dead partner,” Holstetter said, “but it seems like the only thing I can do if I want his killer brought down.”

“Always the rock and the hard place,” Quinn said.

“Ain’t that the damned truth?”

Quinn figured Holstetter had said all he was going to say that might be useful. He knew where the conversation was going now. It was time to leave. He’d been in these maudlin cop confabs too many times over the years. All that was missing here were the doughnuts.

“Death can be complicated, too,” Fedderman said, joining in the glum philosophizing.

“Until you get right up to it,” Holstetter said. “Then it’s simple.”

17

Hettie didn’t exactly feel drunk. But it was a feeling close to being drunk. Maybe drunk with love.

She giggled.

“You okay?” he asked, raising his head so he could look down into her eyes.

They were in her bed, she realized, not even recalling how they’d gotten there. It seemed only minutes since they’d entered her apartment. She could barely remember walking from the lounge. He’d had her arm. She’d felt dizzy, disoriented, almost as if she were floating, being led, her feet not quite in contact with the ground. That was all she remembered, and how insubstantial and small she’d felt. No, wait…Hadn’t there been a subway ride? She seemed to recall the sound, the roaring, clacking, steely clamor. Maybe she’d dozed off. Subways always made her drowsy.

Anyway, here they were. She was on her back. He’d been tickling her right nipple with his tongue.

“Okay,” she said. “ ’Cept you stopped to talk.”

“No problem,” he said with a smile, and resumed paying extraordinarily close and gentle attention to her nipple.

“You slip something in my drink?” she asked, not angrily, but in a have-you-been-naughty tone of voice.

“Uh-uh. Did you slip something in mine?”

She giggled again.

They were nude. She did recall how they’d removed each other’s clothes, slowly, with soft caresses and frequent kisses. That had been his idea. A good one. This man was full of good ideas.

She lay with her eyes half closed, feeling his hand creep down along her stomach. She’d had no idea the flesh of her stomach was so sensitive. Down, down, closer, closer…when he began manipulating her she heard her own moan as if from a distance. How good he was at this! How he seemed to work his fingers in rhythms she rode up, up, up and then swiftly down…and then up again, each peak of emotion higher than the last. A knowing touch, gently tracing out the circular designs of a desire that turned her in on herself and consumed her very soul. The window air conditioner continued humming softly like an engine of her passion. A controlled and insidious sound. Irresistible…relentless…

She felt his softly circling fingers move away.

“No…” a woman pleaded, not wanting him to stop, knowing what would happen next. Her own voice. She pleaded again.

Not as if she really meant it.

You’re not fooling anyone, she said in her mind to the woman with her voice. Why don’t you just be honest?

He entered her slowly at first, unfolding her like a flower so she wouldn’t be injured. In and out slightly then, not far, not far, twice, three times, no pain…and he was all the way into her in a single lengthened stroke that left her breathless.

She began to say something as he began a slow and rhythmic rocking motion that caused the headboard to bump against the wall. Without breaking rhythm, he kissed her on the lips, using his tongue, stilling her words. She had no idea what she’d been about to say.

Not that it mattered.

In the morning he was gone.