War Torn

CSM Kila sat with Dave and the other platoon sergeants in the cookhouse. Sergeant Barnes of 3 Platoon had spent the day with the civilians.‘That fucking woman professor . . .’‘What! Emily? The sex grenade? Ventured out of her isobox?’‘Emily. The pain in the arse. Ventured all over the fucking shop. And if you thought Martyn Robertson was difficult, you try working with her. She wants to go where she likes when she likes and sod everyone else. Picks up her shopping bag and marches off as if she’s just on her way to market and doesn’t want to miss a bargain.’‘Apparently,’ Kila said, ‘she has one of the finest geophysical brains in England.’‘Yeah, well, the finest geophysical brain in England could get splattered all over Helmand if she doesn’t use it more. I said: “Professor, have you noticed that we soldiers generally move around in platoons? That’s about thirty soldiers, Professor. Well that’s to keep us safe. If you wander off like that then you could become an enemy target, Professor.”’‘What did she say?’‘She says: “I have no enemies, Corporal.” I say: “Professor, I am in fact a sergeant.” She says: “Army ranks are of no interest to me because I am not fighting a war. I am carrying out an analysis of Afghanistan’s natural resources.”’‘Fucking hell,’ Dave said.‘Fucking hell,’ the other sergeants agreed.‘The finest geophysical brain in England and not one ounce of common sense,’ Dave said.He told the others about today’s ambush.‘And this evening my head’s caning and so’s everyone else’s, the medic gave us all something. It’s got to be because we were so close to the explosion.’‘You were bloody nearly in the fucking explosion,’ Sergeant Somers of 2 Platoon said.‘We should never have been sent on that route without manpower. They had us pinned down and we didn’t have the men or the fire to keep them back much longer.’Kila promised he’d talk to Major Willingham again about unnecessary risks.When the other two sergeants had gone, Kila leaned forward and said quietly: ‘There’s a rumour going round about you, Dave.’Dave raised his eyebrows and tried to think what that rumour could be.‘That you’re leaving the army.’Dave stared at him. The CSM stared right back.‘Where the hell did you hear that?’‘From Wiltshire.’‘Wiltshire!’ Then Dave realized. ‘Oh, someone’s been talking to Jenny. But what the hell has she been saying?’‘She told Steve Buckle’s wife who told someone who told someone who told . . . well, I don’t know who. Anyway, people are talking about it.’Dave felt angry with Jenny. She had started a rumour which had clearly slipped beyond the circle of gossiping wives to the NCOs. It couldn’t have come to Iain Kila through his wife because, although he’d already had three, he didn’t have one at the moment.‘Jenny’s thinking of me leaving the army,’ Dave said. ‘I’m not.’Kila looked sympathetic. ‘They all go through that one.’‘Well the baby’s due soon. And Jenny spends a lot of time with Leanne Buckle . . .’‘How’s Steve, then?’‘Haven’t heard yet. Leanne’s with him in Selly Oak. What happened to Steve certainly scared Jen, though. She’s only started this stuff about leaving the army since Steve’s accident.’Kila shrugged. ‘You were a soldier when you married her, weren’t you?‘Yeah. She knew what she was letting herself in for. But when I remind her about that she says it makes no difference. And today I got this long letter begging me to leave. And there’s a letter from her mother I haven’t even opened which probably says the same thing.’‘Just ignore it.’‘You don’t know Jen. She’s like a dog with a bone once she gets an idea into her head.’ Actually, Jenny’s determination was one of the things Dave loved about her. Unless she was determined to make him do something.‘Then string her along. Aren’t you doing a degree course through the army?’Dave laughed. The classes he’d attended and the coursework he’d finished seemed far away and trivial, like a game he used to play.‘Engineering,’ he said. ‘I work on it when we’re not operational or away training. So that’s not very often.’‘Well,’ Kila said, ‘when do you expect to finish?’‘It’ll take years and years at this rate.’‘So tell her you’ll leave when you’ve got your degree.’Dave chuckled. ‘Good idea, Iain! She’ll have to agree it’ll improve my job prospects.’Kila grinned back. ‘Women. You just need to know how to handle them.’‘Not much chance here for you to practise your handling skills.’Kila’s grin broadened meaningfully. Dave squinted at him.‘Well I knew the boss was after the Intelligence Corps bird but I didn’t think you . . .’‘I’m not interested in that iceberg. Or Professor Sex Grenade. That only leaves one.’‘Not the monkey!’Kila leaned forward and spoke quietly. ‘There’s a limit to how far I can go here at the base of course. But between you and me, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of monkey business.’

Chapter Twenty-six