War Torn

When her phone rang, Agnieszka caught herself hoping it was Darrel. She turned away from the stares of the other mothers, just in case it was.Her long fingernails made tiny clattering noises on the keys as she unlocked the phone. For a couple of weeks it had buzzed with Darrel’s short, funny messages. Or sometimes he spoke to her, telling her he’d found some part for the broken dishwasher, and then, if Luke was asleep, they would talk about other things, too. On a few occasions they had talked for more than an hour. If Luke was angry or having a fit or hungry, then Darrel didn’t try to distract Agnieszka. But he always called her back later. He seemed to understand how hard it was to manage a child like Luke by yourself without another adult to speak to.Contact with Darrel had stopped abruptly after their last meeting. She missed him. She sometimes rewrote their final conversation in her head. In this version, Darrel didn’t leave. He sat down on the edge of the sofa and talked to her sweetly and softly about how he felt. He explained how he respected the fact that she was married and then he said he hoped they could be friends. He took her hand and smiled at her.Agnieszka knew this daydream was dangerous. Because she loved Jamie. So why did she like to pretend another man was sitting on the edge of the sofa talking about his feelings for her?Turning now so that no one could see the phone or her face, she read the message. It wasn’t from Darrel. It was from Jamie. These days, when the phone at home rang, it was almost always Jamie. She knew he made strenuous efforts to call her and that most wives did not hear so often from their men. But sometimes it was hard to know what to say. He couldn’t talk much about what he was doing. And when he asked about her, she usually said: ‘All just the same. Nothing ever happen.’But Jamie also texted her in secret.The men had handed in their mobiles at Bastion on their arrival in Afghanistan. Jamie had done so, but he had kept a second, secret phone. It was an old one of Agnieszka’s and she had given it to him the night before he left. He had watched her slip it into his Bergen.At first he’d fished it straight out.‘Niez, if I’m found with it I’ll be in big trouble.’Agnieszka had thought about this and then said: ‘Listen, darling, just hide it. And if they find you say your wife leave it in kit and you don’t even know it there.’‘But mobiles are banned for a reason. The Taliban can pick up the signal. And they can use it in all sorts of ways. It could compromise everyone’s safety.’‘Huh!’ said Agnieszka, wrinkling her nose. ‘When you are in base, just text to tell wife you love her. Taliban cannot read English and they not interested in love. So, no compromise, everyone happy.’He had frowned but he hadn’t removed the phone. She’d thought he wouldn’t use it, but he had. Just the occasional little message, like the one about becoming acting section 2 i/c. Well even Agnieszka couldn’t understand that, so she doubted the Taliban would. Or he texted to tell her how much he loved her and missed her and was thinking of her. And why would the Taliban care about that?While the other women talked and the children splashed and Luke slept, Agnieszka read the message.

Hit by high-calibre round thought i was dead. Uuu and only u were in my head. It bounced off armour and I’m fine. Xxxxx J

At the first sentence she almost let out a small shriek. She composed herself. She glanced up. No one was looking. They were too busy with their children and their chatter. She read the message again and again. She tried to remember exactly what he meant by a high-calibre round. Was it a huge bullet? She wondered if she could somehow slip the question into the conversation without anyone guessing it was related to the text message. It was vital no one guessed Jamie had a secret mobile.She looked up once more and this time she realized someone was watching her. Jenny, making tea in the kitchen. The last person who should know about the text was the sergeant’s wife. Agnieszka put the phone back into her pocket.When she brought the tea out, Jenny said pleasantly: ‘Everything all right, Agnieszka?’‘Everything good. I just hope Luke don’t wake up because he often wake up very angry.’Jenny smiled.‘We’ll help you if he does.’Jenny’s smile was thin and tired, Agnieszka thought. She looked as though she was ready to have the baby tomorrow. Agnieszka decided that Jenny had a lot on her mind and was certainly not interested in texts and probably hadn’t even been watching her after all.