Way of the Wolf: Straight Line Selling: Master the Art of Persuasion, Influence, and Success

But let’s not jump ahead. For now, remember that getting into a rapport with someone is done primarily through tonality and body language, not your words. In terms of body language, I’ve talked about wrapping your package, but there’s so much more. For instance, males and females respond very differently to certain types of body language, and the rules, of course, change accordingly.

Let’s start with spatial awareness. If you’re a man selling to another man, then you want to do what’s called cornering off—meaning you want to stand at a slight angle to another man, as opposed to directly in front of him. When a man faces another man, it creates for many a feeling of conflict and hostility, and it instantly takes the men out of rapport. So what you do to avoid this is you corner off with the other man—meaning you shift your body position so you’re at a slight angle to him, which has the effect of immediately disarming him.

If you’re a man, try it yourself sometime. You’ll be shocked at how much more natural it feels than standing face-to-face with another man. It’s almost like letting air out of a balloon when you corner off. You feel an immediate release of pressure.

For communication with a woman, though, it’s the exact opposite. If you’re a man trying to influence a woman, the woman wants you to stand directly in front of her and keep your hands above waist level, where she can see them.

Conversely, if you’re a female trying to influence another female, then you definitely want to corner off, just like a man with another man; however, if you’re trying to influence a male, then you definitely want to stand directly in front of him. Either way, what you don’t want to be is one of those dreaded space invaders—those people who invade another’s space bubble. (They are usually spitters too!) In the Western world, the space bubble is about two and a half to three feet. You want to maintain at least that much distance between yourself and your prospect when you’re standing next to them. Otherwise, you run the risk of being branded a space invader. Space-invading spitters make you want to take out an umbrella and use it as a spit guard.

However, there is one exception to the space invader rule, and that’s in Asia. People tend to stand a bit closer in Asia, marking about a half-foot difference.

The Asian culture, like all unique cultures, has its own norms. As such, in general, Asians pay particular attention to body language, especially when it comes to establishing status. Take their formal bow, for instance. Who bows lower, and who rises first, instantly establishes the power hierarchy of the parties. For the Asian culture, bowing is the cornerstone of a successful greeting, similar to the way the handshake is to Americans. On that note, the way you shake hands says a lot more about you than you actually think. It can set you up to quickly get into a rapport with someone, or it can eliminate that possibility entirely.

Have you ever had someone grab your hand and shake it like you were a rag doll? What were you thinking while you were coming out of your shoes and your hair was flopping around? Was it something along the lines of “What the hell is wrong with this person?”

When someone starts shaking your hand like that, they might think they’re making a good first impression, but they’re actually not. In fact, all it does is make you wonder what they are trying to prove. Are they looking to establish power over me? Are they trying to intimidate me? The same thing goes for the opposite type of handshake—the so-called dead fish approach. This is where they extend their limp hand, which hangs like a piece of overcooked spaghetti, and just hold it there, like they don’t really give a shit. We hate it because it’s actually the ultimate power handshake. It’s like someone’s saying to you, “I don’t care what the hell you think about me. I’m so far above you that you’re not even worthy of me shaking hands with you in an appropriate manner.”