We'll meet again

In the first six months the war had taken on a meaning for us which we would never have believed to be possible. We ourselves were in acute danger and we could not evade the possibility that our precious island might be threatened.

And Jowan and Edward, all those who were in the thick of the fight, what of them?

Each day increased our gloom.

I felt an urge to be alone. I often took out Starlight, the mare I had ridden in those days when I used to go and meet Jowan.

I wanted to escape from the present. I liked to ride to those places I had visited with Jowan. I remembered our first meeting so well, when I had trespassed on Jermyn land. I rode to the field where I had fallen.

There we had walked to an inn called Smithy's into which Jowan had insisted on taking me for a brandy to steady me. The inn was so called because it was next to the blacksmith's shop.

How I longed to be back in those days!

As I was about to ride past, Gordon Lewyth came out of the blacksmith's shop.

"Good morning," he said. "What are you doing in this part of the world? No trouble with Starlight, I hope?”

"No," I replied. "I was just riding past.”

"I've taken Samson in. He's cast a shoe.”

"Are you going back now?" I asked.

"I thought I might have a light lunch and wait for him. Why not join me?”

I was poignantly reminded of that other occasion, only it was Gordon who sat opposite me now in place of Jowan. Mrs. Brodie, the wife of the landlord, came to us just as she had on that other occasion. I remembered how interested she had been. The visitor who was the sister of the new Mrs. Tregarland and Jowan Jermyn! A meeting of the enemy families! She would know now, of course, of my engagement to Jowan.

Such matters would be frequently discussed in this place.

She said: "Good day to you, Miss Denver, and Mr. Lewyth. There's meat loaf. I can recommend it. They tell me it is one of my best.

The best you can hope for these days, I'm afraid.”

"Would you like wine or cider?" asked Gordon.

I asked for cider.

"Any news of Mr. Jermyn, Miss Denver?”

"I'm afraid not.”

"Well, they'll have their hands full over there, I reckon. They've got to send them Germans back where they belong to be. It won't be long now, you mark my words.”

I smiled at her. Gordon's eyes met mine and I was aware of his sympathy.

"She must notice the changes these days," I said when Mrs. Brodie had gone.

"As we all do.”

I could see the sadness in his eyes and for the moment I was back to that night in the nursery when Nanny Crabtree and I had prevented his mother from carrying out her obvious intention to murder Tristan.

I remembered how, when we had called him in, he had stood there, stunned by the revelation.

I felt a deep sympathy for him, and I remembered with admiration how he had recovered from the shock and quickly taken charge of the situation, how stoically he had done what had to be done, how tender he had been towards his poor demented mother.

I heard myself saying: "And how was she when you visited her?" before I realized we had not been speaking of her; but he showed no surprise.

I supposed she was rarely out of his thoughts.

He replied: "Her condition does not change much, though there are times when she knows me and at others.”

"I am sorry. I should not have spoken of it. It is very upsetting for you.”

"It does no good to keep silent," he went on. "It is something which is on our minds whether we talk of it or not." He smiled at me. "I can talk to you, Violetta. In fact, it helps in a way.”

I was a little taken aback. I had not thought of his needing help.

He always seemed so sell-sufficient. But how upsetting it must be, even to the most self-reliant person, to discover that his mother is a murderess.qqq

"It is hard to see her so," he went on. "Her poor lost mind wandering, trying to grasp reality. And, Violetta, I can only hope that she never does. It is better for her to go on like this than remember the truth.”

I nodded. "And she did it all for you, Gordon. All that plotting... all that obsession grew out of her love for you.”

"I do not forget it," he replied. "I never shall. If only she had confided in me. I hoped, with her, that my father would recognize me. It was true that I had improved the estate, that I was the one who cared for it. But my mother was not his wife, and there was Dermot... and then Tristan. I wanted a place of my own. I could have found something, I suppose. It would not have been an estate like Jermyn's or Tregarland's, of course. But there is something about a place of one's own, however small.”

"You are part of Tregarland's, Gordon. You love it. It has been your life.”

"If only.”

I touched his hand lightly.

"It is no use looking back. We have to go on, and we are in the midst of this dreadful war. None of us knows from one day to the next what is going to happen. It isn't going very well, is it?”

"Grim," he said. "The Germans are flooding into Holland and Belgium.

Next it will be France.”

"They seem to be succeeding all along the line.”